Questions

I have spent most of my day asking myself the most internal questions. These questions came about as I was lying in bed, when I took a shower, while I was sitting outside with my fur son, while I was working and as I was listening to my coworker tell me about her plans to file for divorce.

Why me?

All the questions lead back to this one main question.

Why me?

Listen. I stay in my bubble. I don’t like drama because let’s be honest. I just might hurt someone. My temper is out of this world. My mouth is slick as shit and people really don’t know what kind of hard work it takes to truly turn your life around.

I started the morning the exact opposite of any morning this week. Unfocused in my morning meditation to the point that I muted it to call the HVAC specialist who installed my new unit. He said “Hello”. (Oh he does know how to answer his phone? I called from my other cell.) This is when I know I’ve tapped into Bitchy Beatrice…“Uh huh, ummmm did you forget all the shit you left around my house? Ok, great. So this is how it’s going to go. Come get it today or I’m going to make it a personal goal to shut your shit down. I will even give you the option to refund me money I paid for labor so that I can pay someone else to finish your job!” After a few more choice words, I pause to let him speak. He apologized. I replied “Fuck your apology and your truck. As a business owner you should communicate better with your customers. More importantly me because I am not the one.” Mind you I’ve been calling this asshole for over a month to come and get the “trash” from my yard, garage and attic.

One thing I absolutely hate is for someone to say they are going to do something and they don’t. And don’t let it be a paid service. Now I gotta throat punch you for lying…ok that may be a bit far but I don’t think you understand. I’ve been beyond patient. Patience is not something that comes easily to me. I have been really working on it.

I felt bad afterwards. That rededicated part of me wanted to call and apologize. Then Beatrice the Bitch said FUCK THAT NEEGA!

So here I go asking myself these questions again…Why me? Why did he think he was going to fuck me over? $3800 and you didn’t think you were going to get your trash? Why did he think this was ok? Why do people continue to try me? Time is up…I promise I don’t have an ounce of giving a fuck in me right now.

I popped off on everyone for the rest of the day that came at me sideways.

I think a nice hot bath with pink himalayan salt and some CBD bubble bath will be suitable tonight to wash off the day and this attitude. Clearly I’m reaching my limit with people even with isolating myself.

I think it’s time I take another “life” break…Until then, spread love…so many of us are silently fighting demons no one would ever understand…but this Bitch is tired…do you hear me?

Next lifetime me puhlease!!!