Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

Have you missed me???

It’s been about 2 months since my last blog post. And if I can be honest…I have actually missed writing (typing). However, trying to get back into the groove has been a little hard after not doing it for such a while. I’ve struggled to come up with a blog topic since I announced that I was back. So please bear with me while I get back into the swing of things.

Why did i take a break?

Life. Simply put I got distracted by a whole lot.

what happened during my break?

I took a couple of trips in and out of state. My parallel sibling deployed across the country. I started “Sundates”. I dropped my trash Internet service provider for T-Mobile Home Internet. My daughter graduated from Elementary School and returned to in-person instruction after being home for 2 years. I finally got my old HVAC unit out of my house and to the curb by myself. (I cursed the company that installed my new unit for having poor customer service and being unreliable assholes) I experienced a relationship hiccup. My daughter had a birthday. I discovered a great vegan restaurant during one of my conquests. I purchased paint markers and changed my life artistically. I finally got my hands on some Krispy Kreme Cinnamon rolls (they were so overrated). I managed to fit into my bridesmaid dress for my cousins wedding (I ceased all physical activity during my hiatus as well). I accumulated a garage full of pallets, thanks to my best friend for a project. Those pallets are still in tact in my garage. I interacted with my family for the first time since my Mother passed away. I’ve painted quite a bit, written absolutely nothing. My house locked me outside. I downsized my already microscopic circle. My oldest started middle school and my youngest started Kindergarten. I found out that my daughter’s vision was jacked and she had to get glasses. My son dislikes school and wants to stay home.

what’s next?

Well, I plan to not take another unannounced hiatus this year. And since I am an avid procrastinator, for accountability purposes I’m recording my blogging goals here.

  1. I plan to document my traveling journeys. I would love to document and share the details of our trips with pictures and links to must see attractions.
  2. I think I’m finally ready to release my first book for presale…(not really sure about this one). Sneak peak will be released here first!
  3. I love writing, and I’m really trying to get back to doing more of the things I love. Now that the kids are back in school, I will create a consistent blogging schedule.

I’ve missed my WordPress notifications so stay tuned…I’m glad to be back in my blogging element again.

SunDate

It’s self-care Sunday.

I was kid free and refused to be bored. Usually I’d huff and puff about driving but legit, where the fuck do I go for real. So I got a little cute and hopped in the car headed to brunch for one at a vegan spot recommended by my cousin.

As I drove I remember the weekends that I was out and about early…just to enjoy the day. Ok, maybe not just to enjoy the day but to run away from the house because I didn’t have to work but same thing, same thing. I rolled my windows down, turned the radio up and I cruised the speed limit because I had time to kill and no real place to be.

The drive started to get a little rough the hungrier I got lol. I finally made it downtown and realized I had to park on the side of the street. And then walk a block or so to the restaurant. I was slightly buzzed for aesthetics and had on comfy shoes so I didn’t stress it much.

I “eek’d” inside when I saw they had outdoor seating. I obviously didn’t do my homework like I normally do for restaurant sampling. I didn’t look at any reviews. I just took my cousin’s word for it bc “foodies”…they be knowing and we are never off lol. And I was hungry lol.

I was seated immediately. And even though I’ve viewed the menu briefly on the walk over, I still don’t know what I want. I settled on my drink, ordered a sangria and began to people watch. I wish I had wore my sunglasses because it’s awkward people watching with my regular glasses. Yea I’m one of those, call me weird. I look around and there are some couples (awe cute) and some girlfriends brunching. I’m the only solo shorty. I started to miss my Baby Love…Time I think. Something we don’t have enough of and when we get it, it goes so fast and we do so little of nothing.

Element Gatropub’s Chick’n and Waffles with Tofu Scramble & Peach Sangria

**Deep sigh** I eat, I get depressed, orange gets stuck in my straw and I can’t finish my sangria. I turn up the glass, I pay and leave. My mind takes seat on a rollercoaster. I couldn’t keep up even if I was taking notes.

My Mind: Go get my eyebrows threaded. It’s past due, I’m close by and I really only like them doing my brows. Oh wait, Cinnaholic…remember you wanted one so bad but when you finally got it, one wasn’t enough? Ooooh call Best Friend so you can go and play with the baby. Babies make everything better. What about ice cream at the park? It’s hot outside. I don’t want to sweat. I was bold wearing white today like I don’t always drop something on my clothes when I eat. But I made it thus far.

I know I changed the GPS like 3 times.

My Mind: Go get cinnamon roll first because, dessert. No get brows done first they close the soonest. It’s ok get cinnamon roll first because I have the munchies. We can get eyebrows done later. Later when? We are not coming back this way anytime soon. Shit ok, let’s go. Which one first again?

Well Cinnaholic won. I made it over there. Created a sweet roll of diabetes and barely made it back to the car before licking the icing off the cardboard container interior top. (Wanted to be very clear for all the technical people who would cringe thinking I licked the exterior side of the container) Ate some before I backed out and promised myself I’d stop eating it until I got to the eyebrow spot. I drive across town to the eyebrow spot trying not to crash while eating this cinnamon roll with cake batter icing, pecans, chocolate chip cookie dough and caramel sauce. I pull up only to find a handwritten note on the door saying they had closed early. Ugh. I back up and head on home.

Cinnaholic: CYO-Cake Batter icing, with Pecans, Chocolate Chip cookie dough and Caramel sauce

My Mind: Fuzzy brows it is…oh well. You should of came here first instead of going to Cinnaholic. I miss my Baby Love. This drive is too long. I hate people. I hate driving but not as much as I hate not being able to GO. I should of gotten another cinnamon roll. I’m going to be bored when I get home. I’m going to change my spark plugs myself because YouTube University will show me. *instantly ill* Take this bra off. We can’t breathe and no one is going to see us. Thank you! *relief but still ill* I’m going in the house and get in the bed. I hate it here. I don’t want to have to pay a mechanic because I fucked up my car. What is today again? How did we get here? The day was promising right? No? Ok. Turn the TV on. Omg noise, turn it off. Turn on some light, it’s too bright in here. Turn off light. Turn on TV, mute the TV. Snuggle under the covers. It’s cold under here. There’s never any dick in this house. *I’m angry*

In an effort to shut off my mind I ball myself up real tight (so I don’t get the urge to pee) and go to sleep. This was the worse date I’ve taken myself on in a while. The food was a 10/10. My mood was just a -10/10 and that ruined the entire remainder of date.

Let’s try again next Sunday shall we?

Sick & Tired

In my mind…

I rarely get in my feelings…maybe it’s because I live in my head, maybe it’s because I careless what people think of me but anyways there’s this repetitive pattern I’ve noticed with a “so-called” friend of mine that has been bothering me but today unraveled me.

Now people who know me well, know I’m quite an understanding and forgiving person. But when things don’t sit well with me, it really nags at me until I address the situation. And this one I’m just not sure how to approach it just yet because I legit want to explode. This gives way to why I don’t trust people.

I realized that I am no longer a very vocal person. How and what I felt use to always exit my speaker box without hesitation. Now I think long and hard before I speak. Sometimes I will purposefully not respond to comments or questions if I feel an internal nudge to “hold my tongue.”

But in the past year, I’ve felt most attacked, judged and criticized by someone I trusted. And during times where I was struggling to merely exist.

This individual is suppose to be a best friend, yet in the past year has not missed an opportunity to make light of what I feel are pivotal times in my life. I’ve tried to ignore and dismiss it but today it really stuck with me.

Living and learning…loving and growing…understanding and appreciating my source peace.

Earth is ghetto. And people on this planet are truly like emotional crabs in a barrel. If they feel like you’re happier than them or have something they don’t, they create a secret competition with you. All the while you’re just loving and trusting them for who you thought they were. #ElysianMe

Not Your Relationship Coach

It’s not often that I write after having a conversation with my parallel collateral descendant but this morning I have to mentally unload because he 100% triggered me.

Let me start by stating that I’m no relationship expert by any means. I have no certifications or specializations in education or science on human behavior or sociology. But I know first hand what it’s like to be hurt. I also know first hand what it is like to intentionally hurt others and the ramifications (karma) of doing such.

The person I am today, I haven’t always been. I’ve been young, dumb, and (what I thought was) crazy in love. I reflect on those periods of my life now and wish I would have done things differently in previous relationships. Maybe I wouldn’t be the struggling soon to be damaged divorcee I am now.

Sadly, I now see the same patterns in my parallel collateral descendant and it bothers me. A lot! Even though he’s an adult, I still feel compelled to provide him with guidance when asked. (Never unsolicited because again, I’m no expert and this is not my avenue) But I listen and provide feedback in hopes of helping him find the path to avoid heartbreak, toxic relationships and unhealthy behavior.

But as a man and human, he doesn’t listen to understand. He doesn’t listen to me (he didn’t really listen to my Mom either), his girlfriend, or anyone. How he feels supersedes anyone else’s feelings. He almost implies that he is the center of the universe but doesn’t come straight out and say that. He is always ready to argue and defend his wrongdoing; bandaging it with “I’m hurting too” and “This is how I feel”. He reminds me a lot of my Father. And he was quite the selfish man.

While I love him dearly, I expressed to him that hurt people, hurt people. And that’s not ok. I don’t involve myself in his relationships at all. I meet his “lady friend” when he decides to introduce them. And I can usually tell off the bat if they are “ok”. Not judging, just observing. So far I’ve been right with my thoughts and I usually just keep them to myself. Only sharing my thoughts and feelings with my Mom, because isn’t that what big sisters do?

Before I even realized it, I had shut down on him. I had no response for anything he said. And I was waiting for a pause in his monologue to end the call.

It’s 4am. I’m not in the mood to argue with him or try to overtalk him. He’s said hurtful shit to me just a few months ago so I can only imagine how his girlfriend feels. Trying to be neutral because they are both calling me, I don’t want to give his girlfriend my advice. Because when someone hurts me I tend to write them off forever. I won’t give them the ability or satisfaction of ever doing it again. Sadly the most toxic relationship of my life I can’t write off because my children are involved smh.

Tonight he reminded me of my ex so much that I had to hang up. Being disrespectful and belligerent. Disregarding his issues to point out his dislikes in someone else. Not listening and not allowing me to speak or complete my thoughts. The finger pointing, blaming, condescending talk and nonchalantness is a pain point for me. It don’t help that he’s also inebriated but still.

I remember vividly pouring out my heart to someone only to have him respond with, were you talking to me, I will call you back, I don’t have time for this, oh ok, whatever you say, or you’re right, I’m wrong…or him getting up and walking away while I was still talking…or him purposefully avoiding me to avoid having a conversation. That shit bothered me so bad that even now in any relationship or conversation (romantic or platonic) if I feel like I’m not being heard, I immediately shut down. “Don’t worry about it” is my response and I don’t like to argue so I will either change the subject or find the nearest exit. Going to sleep was also something I would do to escape.

I love my parallel collateral descendant to pieces but he’s a toxic asshole right now, with a bad attitude and unresolved/unhealed trauma. He needs to work on himself and I don’t need him reaching out to me for relationship advice while he’s in this state of mind. If he was closer, I would have drove to him and punched him dead in the face. Now I’m trying to go back to sleep with thoughts of how messed up I’ve been myself lately relationship wise.

5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have A Happy Life After Divorce

Thinking about your life after divorce all while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people simply because they just aren’t sure what their life will “look like” after divorce.

Here’s 5 things to keep in mind so that you can have a meaningful life after divorce:

Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability…if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.

Divorce is tough and whether you are going through it or are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having a life after divorce could be a new start for you!

How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered “many”, don’t worry, that is a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don’t remain positive about what’s ahead of you. Look at the glass as being “half full” and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!

Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.

Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, “Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?”. Life after divorce is tough…so, when you’re deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.

Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce – don’t forget to ‘stop and smell the roses’. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn’t as healthy as they would like. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing…it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.

Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.

Life after divorce is a tumultuous time. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you’ve always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you’ve reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.

Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.

Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you’ve already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.