Proud Mama Bear

If this is how a proud parent feels, I don’t know how I’m going to act when my little ones get to the age of my baby brother.

We undoubtedly had a rocky childhood. A mother struggling with mental illness…an on again, off again drug addict father. At the tender young age of 11, I had to grow up and help my mom raise and take care of my brother. How can I raise a child at 11 you ask? Although I may not of had a lot to teach him, he was reminded and taught good manners. Saying ‘thank you’, ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘yes sir’. Reading to him to educate him early on, loving him because I wanted him to have everything emotionally that I didn’t have. At the age of 11, I learned and was taught how to take care of him so that my mother could continue work two jobs to take care of us until she couldn’anymore.

No, I didnt do it on my own. I have always had full support of my maternal family. I could not imagine God blessing me with a better group of individuals to raise and help mold me into the woman I am today.

Needless to say, when my brother turned 11 due to unforeseen circumstances I had to assume legal custody of my baby brother. I had to uproot him from the small town that he had lived in since birth and relocate him with me to what seemed like a giant city.

Now mind you, at this time I’ve been married maybe a year or less. I had moved from my 1 bedroom semi college type apartment complex to 2 bedroom mature adult apartment complex. Unbenounced to me, I was making room for my little brother.

Fast forward….he stayed with me through elementary and middle school. Once he reached high school he made the decision to move in with my uncle to be closer to my cousin. They were the same age, would be at the same school and I think it was good for him. Besides I was moving to Atlanta and wanted to allow him to make the decision on whether to move with me or stay. I think it was the best decision. I missed him like crazy but we talked everyday.

Growing up was rough for him. We babied him no doubt because of the situation. We gave him a lot to the point of spoiling him…so it took a while for him to become a responsible young man.

Today he gets keys to his first apartment. An apartment that he found on his own, saved money to apply and get on his own. Started his own electricity. I am elated. I’m so proud of how he is growing up. At 23 he works, he drives, he doesn’t have any kids. I mean I feel like an accomplished parent right now. He may not have gone to college (he tried) and gotten a degree. But he’s doing something and he’s not in the streets. He doesn’t have to worry about furniture because his big sister has him covered!!!

Here I go spoiling him again….πŸ™„

My ‘Thursday’…

Today was quite blah…

A stupid and long pointless meeting at the beginning of the day really ruins your whole day. It was as if one particular person wanted to hear themselves talk and wanted to make all the decisions, with a little ‘amen imp’ in the corner. Tell me again why do you need a committee aaaannnd a meeting? 🧐 Definitely not how I wanted my “Thursday” to begin…

These two vacation days are so close, I can feel them. 😌

I attempted to recover my day by closing my door, taking a moment to look up my positive affirmation for the day….

I am deserving of respect- I practice kindness, I cultivate love towards others and I have a right to expect that same energy to be emitted back to me. Being treated like a human is not too much to ask for- therefore, I will make my petition known unapologetically.

Head held high I opened my door and restarted my day. I cannot allow the ill effects and ignorance of some people to allow me to second guess how AWESOME I am. Let’s start by making a bowl of grits because I’m hangry as fuck.

The day goes on, I stay unbothered by the bullshit but I continue to be reminded I need to make a career change. As a young, educated, beautiful black woman I’m challenged on a daily basis. I know this will occur no matter where I’m employed but this is by far the worse I’ve encountered.

In my position of upper level management, I’m micro managed. I am in charge of a department that I cannot effectively lead on my own. Not because I can’t, but because I’m not allowed to. I’ve gained the respect of my colleagues within and outside my organization. I surpassed my personal 5 year goals in a mere 2 years but professionally. I’m unhappy.

Truthfully, I find more happiness in my side hobby turned business with one of my best friends. Hosting sip and paint parties has been rewarding and fun. More than what I imagined and there is so much more for us to do. It wasn’t until we started this that I was reminded of my self worth. I never feel like it’s work when I’m working for me…

My next goal should include me being my own boss…so I’m not having days like today when I should be excited about vacationing with my minions.

Uh Oh…😯

Monday is over…and man it seemed like it took forever. Two more days and I get some much needed time off with my family.

The series of events from today still has my mind racing.

On a lighter note, my grandmother is 80 years old today. I made sure to call her on my way to work to kick off her birthday. Finished her birthday gift but will have to get it to her another day. I was at the office well after 5pm for some bullshit.

Nonetheless I got home, let my daughter chase me around the yard bursting water balloons all over me.

And if that didn’t tire her out, we rode bikes around the neighborhood. She wanted to go to the pool but I was already drenched and tired and just wanted to sit down.

As soon as I made my way in the house my son screamed because he wanted to go outside too. So I pulled out the wagon and took him and the girl on a stroll.

By now, I’m ready to take a damn shower and go to bed. But oh no, I have to give my dog his allergy medicine before it’s time for him to go to bed. I walk out onto the deck and see a damn disaster! He has managed to get a hold of the net from the kids trampoline and the foam that covered the poles. What the fuck does he do all day? Look for shit to tear up all over the yard? Don’t get me wrong, I love Simba like one of my kids. But shit! Can I get a damn break?

I finally make it inside when it starts to get dark. I make my way to my bathroom and start peeling off these wet ass clothes. I’m trying to get ready to take a shower and get ready for bed. I take one look in the mirror and remember how tired I am of this damn red hair. So I start to take it out. No better time than the present. The entire time I’m doing this, these kids running in and out of my bathroom. Can someone come babysit just so I can pee, shit, take out my hair and take a shower? After that, I think I got it. πŸ™„ Ugh…

I’m irritated af now, looking for that cup that holds a bottle of wine so I don’t lose my mf mind before I go to bed. Get out of the shower to see dirt out of my flower pot on the carpet in the living room, the tv volume on 99, my daughter still smelling like “an onion patch” running through the house and my skipping son just wrecking havoc on everything.

It’s time to give everyone benadryl so Mommie can get some rest. What the fuck kind of Monday is this?

F*ck…It’s Over

The entire weekend flew by. 😫 My entire Saturday was spent cleaning every inch of occupied square footage of my house and waiting for my first born to return home from Georgia. Her brother had driven me fucking nuts missed her so much!

My mom called several times complaining of her boredom, to ask questions about her internet/phone and to poke fun at her grandson. She can be a handful some days. I enjoy her when she’s in this mood because mental illness is such a bitch disease.

I made sure to get all of my daughter’s birthday gifts, framed and on the wall. She’s hell bent on this African themed bedroom. That she will change 6 times over the next 6 months. But oh well this is what us parents do. Right? πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

Today, I started several projects, finished none and then realized one of them was for my Grandmother’s birthday tomorrow. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ I never buy her anything, it’s always homemade, with much thought (sometimes too much) and a little hardwork. I mean after all this woman (and my grandfather RIP) raised me. Had it not been for them…I probably would have ended up a thot in these streets a little differently.

So before I went to bed, I had to play tag in the dark with Simba (stepping in dog shit…all my fault); to wear his ass out so he could come in the house and go to bed, “customize” my aunt’s tablet and Firestick, and find something to wear back to Hell tomorrow. I feel like I should call it Slavery, because those people are under the impression that “we” are still not free. Ugh. I hope I receive a positive affirmation tomorrow morning that won’t leave me feeling so militant angry pissed unsure of why I decided read it at all. The purpose is to make you think positively about the day, right? I guess I do that all fucking wrong. It’s so hard to think positive when you feel so oppressed. 😀

Can someone remind me why I got my Master’s again? New job…where are you?

Fuckin’ Friday the 13th

So today has been one of the busiest days I’ve had in a while. I generally try to have all my work done during the week so that I have a “chill” Friday. But this entire week has been HELL!

I did get to eat lunch with my bestie which always makes the day 100 times better. There is a silver lining to going to work when your best friend is there too.

Well outside of that place I oftentimes call “Hell Hole”, I managed to make it one more week without meat. And I do mean real meal, like chicken, steak, fish…you know for you vulgar minded readers lol.

So I drive up to my house and low and behold, my mailbox is replaced 😍. After almost 3 months, I’m back to receiving mail at my house and not picking it up in bulk at the post office! I’m elated. I look up and see my mini man in the driveway with his dad jumping up and down…job 1 down, job 2 begins. His sister isn’t at home so its ‘let’s drive mom absolutely insane until it’s time for me to go to bed’ time.

He wouldn’t let me in the house so we started with a walk towards the front of the subdivision. Well I made the non-educated decision to wear these pants to work today because I was being lazy and they roll under my stomach…(I so have to get rid of this shit!) πŸ™„ Every few paces I have to stop and unroll my pants. I give up…”come on baby, let’s walk back this way.” I cannot deal lol. So we get back to the house. I notice my faded (idgaf it’s my favorite) yard flag is flipped into the shrubs. I walk up with him on my heels to correct it without getting poked by the holly shrub.

I so badly want to go inside and sit down. Nope. This guy wants to play. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ This is going to take a while. So while he pulls out the scooter, wagon and his powerwheel, I decide to get up all the torn gift bags and tissue paper that Simba shredded the day my husband decided to put him in the garage…alone. Might as well be productive if I’m going to sweat. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ So I get all that up and decide to pull out my lounge patio chair in the driveway and watch Fudge write on the concrete with chalk. At least there’s a nice breeze. Unnoticeably, I ball up on my chair like I’m inside..quickly I find out I have a hole in my pants on the back of my thigh. Fuck this day…let’s go inside already. I need a drink. πŸ˜’

We make it in…I start picking up toys in the living room and give up. I collapse on the sofa. ‘Holy’ πŸ€— pants and all. The hell with today. I’m going to eat a few gummy bears and relax. 😌

It Begins…

post

A few days ago, I had the idea (once again) to start a blog. A little unsure why…(maybe to get all the things inside my head out), in hopes it would make room for other things…more positive things. And even if it doesn’t I’m ok with just allowing the world to read my daily walk.

I mean because unless you’re a stalker…nevermind we aren’t going to start this out crazy just yet.

Since I didnt scratch my itch of writing a book (putting my life for the last 15 years in black and white) for the world to see what I went through (Under a pen name of course….πŸ™„), I decided to start this blog.

How many times am I going to type it. As the first entry this is probably a good indication that I need to go to bed so that I can give you a good fresh entry tomorrow.

Positive Affirmation From Today

I honor my need to rest and recharge. I am committed to finding at least one hour of β€œme” time today!