Author: ~California Dreamer~

The Moment I Had Been Waiting For…

This is the moment I had been waiting for since January 17, 2017. “We’ve decided to terminate your employment.”

Now some people would be devastated to be let go from their almost 6 year job. But not me. 🤷🏾‍♀️

From the time I returned from maternity leave, I was looking for other employment. I even obtained a part time job to have something else in my back pocket.

While I was out on maternity leave, I lost, hands down, the best employee I ever had. She was vigilant, self sufficient, and eager to learn all she could to improve herself in her career. She left because she was being bullied, disrespected and belittled. She called me and told me that she wasn’t going to make it until I returned and I understood. As a mom of now two, I declined the offer of spending my time away from work to interview candidates. I opted to wait and handle that task, if and when I returned. At this point I was still debating even going back.

My supervisor, who was responsible now for my entire department was feeling the heat and pressure and unable to perform in my absence and without the assistance of my employee since she had quit. She made the decision to go ahead and hire a staff member for me.

A little background info on me…

Now I am a former Army servicemember. I prefer organized chaos anyday over just complete unorganization. I am very head strong. I’m not easily persuaded and have no problem standing my ground and speaking my mind. It wasnt until I returned that I truly realized these people were looking for a “yes ma’am” or “ok boss” and that was not me…

I returned to a broken department, an asshole for an employee and a dick face for a supervisor. This termination was a blessing. I was over worked, undermined, under paid, disrespected, belittled, and insulted on many occasions. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

My new beginning awaits…

It’s been a while but I’m still here…

Over the past few weeks I’ve been hard body applying to jobs to get out of the disrespectful, racist box of a job. I’ve put a lot more time in my business with my best friend and finishing my certificate program.

Yep, I always have to have more than one thing going on at a time or I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything because I’m too idle. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Call me crazy.

Anyhow…the last few months have been quite crazy but over the next few days hopefully I can get back on my grind and get it all on screen.

I hope you all have a great week. My weekends are all I have to look forward to these days….

If this is how a proud parent feels, I don’t know how I’m going to act when my little ones get to the age of my baby brother.

We undoubtedly had a rocky childhood. A mother struggling with mental illness…an on again, off again drug addict father. At the tender young age of 11, I had to grow up and help my mom raise and take care of my brother. How can I raise a child at 11 you ask? Although I may not of had a lot to teach him, he was reminded and taught good manners. Saying ‘thank you’, ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘yes sir’. Reading to him to educate him early on, loving him because I wanted him to have everything emotionally that I didn’t have. At the age of 11, I learned and was taught how to take care of him so that my mother could continue work two jobs to take care of us until she couldn’anymore.

No, I didnt do it on my own. I have always had full support of my maternal family. I could not imagine God blessing me with a better group of individuals to raise and help mold me into the woman I am today.

Needless to say, when my brother turned 11 due to unforeseen circumstances I had to assume legal custody of my baby brother. I had to uproot him from the small town that he had lived in since birth and relocate him with me to what seemed like a giant city.

Now mind you, at this time I’ve been married maybe a year or less. I had moved from my 1 bedroom semi college type apartment complex to 2 bedroom mature adult apartment complex. Unbenounced to me, I was making room for my little brother.

Fast forward….he stayed with me through elementary and middle school. Once he reached high school he made the decision to move in with my uncle to be closer to my cousin. They were the same age, would be at the same school and I think it was good for him. Besides I was moving to Atlanta and wanted to allow him to make the decision on whether to move with me or stay. I think it was the best decision. I missed him like crazy but we talked everyday.

Growing up was rough for him. We babied him no doubt because of the situation. We gave him a lot to the point of spoiling him…so it took a while for him to become a responsible young man.

Today he gets keys to his first apartment. An apartment that he found on his own, saved money to apply and get on his own. Started his own electricity. I am elated. I’m so proud of how he is growing up. At 23 he works, he drives, he doesn’t have any kids. I mean I feel like an accomplished parent right now. He may not have gone to college (he tried) and gotten a degree. But he’s doing something and he’s not in the streets. He doesn’t have to worry about furniture because his big sister has him covered!!!

Here I go spoiling him again….🙄

Today was quite blah…

A stupid and long pointless meeting at the beginning of the day really ruins your whole day. It was as if one particular person wanted to hear themselves talk and wanted to make all the decisions, with a little ‘amen imp’ in the corner. Tell me again why do you need a committee aaaannnd a meeting? 🧐 Definitely not how I wanted my “Thursday” to begin…

These two vacation days are so close, I can feel them. 😌

I attempted to recover my day by closing my door, taking a moment to look up my positive affirmation for the day….

“I am deserving of respect- I practice kindness, I cultivate love towards others and I have a right to expect that same energy to be emitted back to me. Being treated like a human is not too much to ask for- therefore, I will make my petition known unapologetically.“

Head held high I opened my door and restarted my day. I cannot allow the ill effects and ignorance of some people to allow me to second guess how AWESOME I am. Let’s start by making a bowl of grits because I’m hangry as fuck.

The day goes on, I stay unbothered by the bullshit but I continue to be reminded I need to make a career change. As a young, educated, beautiful black woman I’m challenged on a daily basis. I know this will occur no matter where I’m employed but this is by far the worse I’ve encountered.

In my position of upper level management, I’m micro managed. I am in charge of a department that I cannot effectively lead on my own. Not because I can’t, but because I’m not allowed to. I’ve gained the respect of my colleagues within and outside my organization. I surpassed my personal 5 year goals in a mere 2 years but professionally. I’m unhappy.

Truthfully, I find more happiness in my side hobby turned business with one of my best friends. Hosting sip and paint parties has been rewarding and fun. More than what I imagined and there is so much more for us to do. It wasn’t until we started this that I was reminded of my self worth. I never feel like it’s work when I’m working for me…

My next goal should include me being my own boss…so I’m not having days like today when I should be excited about vacationing with my minions.