Again

Today I’m doing something I never thought I’d have to do. And normally I’d let this go…I wouldn’t trip but it is affecting my tomorrow…and I had to sit and think about my next steps.

I’m an avid procrastinator and I put off what I can do right now to do later merely out of convenience or just refusal to complete the task.

Am I going to continue to let this affect my life negatively? What can I do to change the situation? What will bring me peace? I ask myself all these questions sitting in silence.

This entire situation is unreal. It sounds like a fucked up Lifetime movie up when it’s spoken aloud. But it is my life currently. And the saying is when you can’t control a situation, control your attitude towards it and/or how you respond to it.

Well friends, I’m tired. I know, I know. I say it a lot. But with this I think anyone who knows the situation can agree I’m tired. I’ve been through the most. I’ve dealt with the most. I’ve turned every cheek. I’ve tried to remain cordial and respectful and now that my patience has worn out and my peace has been disrupted, I have to do something different.

Even though I’ve been 100% transparent and honest, we approached the same impasse that we were at before over a year ago. Nothing has changed. Until this week. I changed…

Until I close this chapter, it’s impossible for me to start another no matter how much I think I can. Taking things to a legal level is not how I normally operate but drastic times calls for drastic measures. I don’t communicate threats because I know first hand how they can come back to bite you in your ass. But I’m just ready to start fresh somewhere else with the one I love.

Taking this route is my way of no longer “talking” about what I’m going to do or what I want to happen. Instead I have to take the necessary steps to get me where I want to be.

Breaking generational curses…I’m all for that. I don’t think I was placed here to be like follow anyone else. It’s time I move mountains to get to my peace…and hope that my peace is also moving mountains to meet me halfway.

Strutting in this courthouse sporting nothing but honesty, a little fatigue and a smile on my face. I can’t allow this situation to dull my sparkle or deter me from my dreams. We have a plan…and I’m down to stick to it…

For once I didn’t put off today what I could do tomorrow for one more person who doesn’t give a shit about me. I choose me today…I choose my happiness…I choose my peace…I choose healthy and loving parenting…I choose not being the norm…I choose my Baby Love…

Whatever it takes is my mindset now…I need my peace back…

Author: ~California Dreamer~

Just an average silly, nerdy chick. That's weird in probably a million different ways, sharing my sometimes fucked up life with you. Showing others that they should enjoy life, because there's always someone in a worse situation.

One thought on “Again”

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