Author: ~California Dreamer~

I rarely read the newspaper, involve myself with reality TV or watch the news. The world could be ending, but I’d be enjoying life and not even aware. Today an article popped up that maybe I needed to see. The headline read: Kim Kardashian West Asks Judge To Be Declared Legally Single Amid Kanye West Divorce.

I’m feeling this Kimberly!!!

I read through the article and felt a sense of familiarity to a statement that Kim made. Once upon a time co-parenting and the happiness of my kids was also a priority. And then one day that dumb fucker made me almost revisit a place I promised myself to never go again.

I replay that day in my head a lot. My peace was disturbed, my space was invaded, I felt disrespected, manipulated and backed into a corner for the absolute last time in my life. I was ready to choose violence over my freedom. And oddly it wasn’t my kids that changed my mind.

I always attribute a big life changing situation to a person or people. For example I purchased my home to provide my kids with a nice and beautiful place to live, and to one day inherit. I went to college to establish a lucrative career to be able to take care of my Mom and later my own family. I’ve never really just done something or reacted a certain way depending upon how it would affect just me.

This particular day I couldn’t even cry in that moment no matter how furious I felt. I opted to not put that asshole on a t-shirt for ME. Because for once I was happy. I was in a good place in life. I was/am deserving of the love I found and have. And I wasn’t going to give this idiot the pleasure of allowing me to take him out of his misery simply because I was “violated”.

After that I gave up the thought of co-parenting and doing all I could to make my kids comfortable and happy through the devastating event of divorce.

Welcome to Jumanji kids…aka Life.

Shit isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Just like people you love die, so does the relationships of people you love. Sometimes the people are true adults and it’s easy and the kids are able to experience that continued happiness. And then there’s times where both of the people aren’t adults and the best thing they can do is to disconnect and allow each other to take advantage of the space and time to “grow” with the situation as well as grow up.

This was me choosing ME. If I could do the day over again I wouldn’t change a single detail. It was needed and necessary no matter how stressful it was. I felt like it was a test. And I feel that I passed regardless of my current circumstances. Today I’m accepting because of my decision I won’t have a break, I’m a damn good Single Mother and money is tight as hell. But it won’t be like this always. It’s a temporary situation.

Now let me check our state and see if I too can ask the judge to declare me legally single amid my divorce 😉