Single parenting is hard. It’s not just hard because you’re juggling multiple roles—provider, nurturer, disciplinarian, protector—but because it often feels like you’re doing it all alone, without any support from the other half who helped bring this child into the world. I’m not talking about the occasional absentee father. I’m talking about the absent Black fathers who seem to have washed their hands of any responsibility, leaving single mothers to raise children without the financial, emotional, or physical support that should come from two parents.
It’s frustrating. It’s draining. It’s exhausting.
A Cycle That Hurts Us All
There’s a stereotype that haunts the Black community: the absent Black father. While it’s not true across the board, the reality is that too many Black women are left to do the heavy lifting in single-parent households. The most infuriating part is that, for many of us, it’s not just a momentary absence—it’s a complete disengagement. There’s no help, no co-parenting. Just silence.
This absence isn’t just physical; it’s emotional and financial too. Raising children takes resources. There are school fees, medical expenses, groceries, rent, and a million other financial commitments that pile up. Without a partner contributing, the burden becomes almost unbearable. But it’s not just money that’s missing—it’s presence. It’s the emotional connection that children need from both parents. It’s the teaching moments, the bonding time, the life lessons that come from having an active father. When that’s absent, it leaves wounds—wounds that mothers end up trying to patch over, often while neglecting their own needs in the process.
The Weight of It All
I’m tired. I’m tired of having to do it all alone. Of being both mother and father. Of playing catch-up every month because there’s no one helping with bills or childcare. Of watching other families with two parents share the load while I’m left to figure everything out on my own.
But most of all, I’m tired of the emotional toll it takes—not just on me but on the children. The questions they ask that I can’t answer: “Why isn’t dad around?” “Does he love me?” The anger, the sadness, the confusion they feel from being abandoned by one parent. And the impossible job of trying to fill the hole that absence creates.
It’s Not Just About Me
This isn’t just my struggle. Too many Black women are facing the same reality. Too many of us are left to be the foundation of our families without the backup we need. We aren’t superhuman. We can’t be everything to our children without some cracks showing. But what choice do we have?
There’s a myth that single mothers, especially Black single mothers, are naturally strong, that we can endure anything. Yes, we’re strong because we have to be—but that doesn’t mean we should have to be. It’s unfair to have the weight of the world on your shoulders and no one to share it with.
Breaking the Cycle
We have to be honest about the damage that absenteeism causes, not just for individual families but for our community as a whole. A child without both parents engaged in their life has to fight harder to find a sense of balance. The absence of Black fathers perpetuates cycles of poverty, emotional distress, and fractured identities. And while many Black women continue to rise to the occasion, we shouldn’t be left to carry this burden alone.
We need Black fathers to show up—for themselves, for their children, and for the community. It’s not just about financial support (though that’s important); it’s about being present. It’s about taking on the emotional labor of raising a child, of helping them navigate life with guidance and love from both parents.
If we’re ever going to break this cycle, it’s going to take accountability, not just from absent fathers but from society as well. We need systems in place that provide real support for single mothers, and we need to hold absent fathers responsible for their role in parenting.
Moving Forward, Together
As tired as I am, I know that my love for my children is what keeps me going. But love alone can’t build a future. It can’t pay for college, keep the lights on, or provide the emotional stability that comes from having two actively engaged parents.
We need to shift this narrative, not only for those of us carrying the weight now but for future generations. Let’s stop glorifying the strength of single mothers as if it’s something to aspire to. We should be aiming for stronger families, where both parents contribute equally—financially, emotionally, and physically.
Because this single-parent struggle? It’s too heavy to keep bearing alone.
In My Unapologetic Life... 