#growth – Page 2 – In My Unapologetic Life…

Finding My Rhythm

For a long time, I was a people-pleaser. My world revolved around making everyone else comfortable, even at the expense of my own peace. I said yes to everything, from extra assignments at work to social events that drained my energy. But somewhere along the way, I realized that in trying to be everything to everyone, I had lost myself.

It was a gradual shift, a quiet revolution. I started noticing how exhausted I felt, how my own needs were being overlooked in the pursuit of keeping others happy. And that’s when I decided to reclaim my peace.

Learning to say “no” wasn’t easy. It felt selfish at first, like I was letting people down. But the truth is, I was letting myself down by constantly overextending myself. By setting boundaries, not only was I just protecting my peace, but also honoring my own needs and values.

It was like building a fortress around my heart, a safe haven where I could recharge and refocus. This doesn’t mean I shut people out; it means I chose who and what got to occupy that precious space. It’s about creating a life that nourishes my soul, where I have the freedom to be my authentic self without feeling drained.

I chose myself, and I found that sweet spot where self-care and connection beautifully intertwine. I love it here.

Saying “No” with Self-Love

Lately, the word “no” has become my mantra. It’s not a negative word, but a powerful tool for protecting my emotional well-being. Saying “no” to dates might sound crazy, but trust me, it’s a form of self-care that’s blossoming beautifully.

Breakups leave scars, emotional ones that take time to mend. Right now, I’m in the gentle process of healing, rediscovering myself, and figuring out what kind of story I want to write next. Dating in this vulnerable space feels like putting on roller skates before learning to walk again. Not smart.

So, instead of forcing myself into potentially awkward situations, I’m focusing on inner exploration. I’m back to reading self-help books filled with wisdom, not TikTok videos. I’m taking long walks in nature, listening to smooth lofi, not the noise of a crowded restaurant. I’m spending quality time with my children and close friends, basking in the warmth of genuine connection.

This period in my life isn’t about staying stagnant. It’s about creating a foundation of self-love and understanding. It’s about remembering my worth and setting boundaries that prioritize my emotional health. When I eventually do decide to open myself up to dating again, it will be from a place of strength and clarity, not desperation and loneliness.

Remember: saying “no” is a powerful act of self-love. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. Focus on healing, on rediscovering who you are, and trust that love will find you again, but on your terms and on your own beautiful timeline.

My Plantastic Jungle: Where Chill Vibes Grow

Working from home day in and day out can be a total drag sometimes. Like, deadlines are piling up faster than the dirty laundry, and the world feels like it’s running on fast-forward. But guess what? I’ve got the ultimate stress-busting secret weapon: my very own plantastic jungle!

Okay, okay, maybe it’s not technically a jungle (yet!), but it’s definitely overflowing with awesome plants that make my home feel like a total oasis. Some might call it an obsession, but I call it happiness central! These leafy besties seriously bring the chill vibes.

Every morning, before the day really starts, I do a little happy dance with my green crew. Watering their thirsty leaves, misting the air for my humidity-loving ferns – it’s like a mini spa day that sets the tone for a peaceful day. And let me tell you, seeing a new leaf unfurl is like watching a tiny miracle unfold – it’s just so darn inspiring!

But the coolest part of it all, is taking care of these plant pals like I take care of myself. It’s a daily reminder that even with all the craziness in life, we can still create something amazing. Plus, these little green ninjas are basically nature’s air purifiers – they breathe in yucky carbon dioxide and breathe out life-giving oxygen. Totally the ultimate wellness squad for me and my asthmatic princess!

Beyond the science stuff, though, they’re just plain gorgeous. My pothos hangs like a lush curtain of green, while my African violets add bursts of color like tiny confetti explosions. Every plant has its own personality (and name!), making my jungle a living, evolving work of art.

Stepping into this haven is pure magic. The gentle hum of the humidifier, the earthy scent of fresh soil, the soft light filtering through the leaves – it’s like entering a chilled-out dreamscape that melts away stress faster than you can say “namaste.”

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a little piece of peace in your life, consider joining the totally awesome plant parent club! It takes a little patience and effort, sure, but the rewards are way cooler than just pretty decorations. It’s a space to breathe, to grow, and to reconnect with the simple joys of life. Because sometimes, all you need is a little plantastic therapy to find your happy place!

A Celebration of “Trying”

“Trying.” It’s a word often tossed around casually, but lately, it’s felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m in the thick of growth, tangled in the messy process of healing. Forgiveness feels like a distant melody while grief lingers like a shadow. I search for answers while wrestling with the need to let go.

This life we lead is a juggling act. And let’s be honest, sometimes the balls feel like they’re all about to come crashing down. Yet, here I am, catching them (most of the time) and trying again.

We often focus on achievements, on the finished product. But what about the messy in-between? The part where growth and healing coexist in a chaotic dance? Where forgiveness feels like a whisper against the roar of anger, and grief clings to us even as we try to let go?

This “trying” phase deserves its own celebration. It’s a testament to the human spirit, to our inherent desire to become better versions of ourselves. It’s the quiet voice within us saying, “I may be hurting, but I’m still here, and I’m still moving forward.”

It’s okay if forgiveness takes time. It’s okay if grief ebbs and flows. It’s okay if searching for answers feels like wandering in the fog. The important thing is that we’re still trying.

And while we’re busy juggling growth and healing, don’t forget the most important love story of all: the one with yourself. It’s easy to get lost in the needs of others, to prioritize the world around us. But in the midst of “trying,” remember to show yourself some compassion.

You are worthy of love, even when you’re messy and imperfect. You are strong, even when you feel fragile. You are capable of incredible things, even when you’re just “trying.”

To the jugglers, the healers, the grievers, the searchers, and the lovers. May we celebrate the “trying” phase, for it’s in this messy, beautiful in-between that we truly grow.

Sending love and encouragement to you all on your own unique journeys. ✨

Surviving to Living

After a good meditation session early this morning I no longer have the desire to be “the strong one”. I have always been the strong person. I’ve always had to be the strong child, sibling, parent and friend. As of today I no longer desire to be that person because I realize that it is unhealthy.

At almost 40 years old, I’m now understanding that being “the strong one” is not a flex and it is tiring. I really think I’m truly tired now because I have realized that I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I continually operate in fight or flight mode. I have been living in survival mode.

Most people don’t understand that “the strong one” carries a lot on the daily. A tremendous deal of trauma. The strength that everyone thinks is a gift, is merely a shield that is used to block people and situations from hurting us. This is definitely not something to be proud of and again in no shape or form healthy.

It is better known as a defense mechanism. If you only knew how badly I would love to just relax in a space where I am comfortable, sit down with no time constraints, and allow someone genuine to come into this space and love me unconditionally. And I’m not referring to a romantic relationship but also friends and family that WANT to occupy space with me. I want to be able to truly trust others. I want to be able to be more feminine and less masculine. Hell, I want to be able to understand and trust myself enough to know that I am allowing the right people into my space. But it is hard. I have been repeatedly hurt, used, abused, and have experienced so much trauma for so long that I didn’t know where to start.

Well my starting point is my blog post, right now, today. As of this moment I can no longer be ‘that person’ for anyone because I need to be that person for myself. I am constantly drained because I am always pouring into someone else, supporting someone else, reaching out and being there for someone else. But I don’t have enough people pouring into me. And I realize that it may not be because they don’t want to, but because they feel as though I don’t need it since I have managed to still be able to smile and exist after many losses, tests and trials in this lifetime.

I encourage anyone reading this to make a conscious effort to check on their “strong” friends, siblings, children, parents and other loved ones that are hyper independent. Reach out to those that you don’t think need you, because they are probably feeling just like me too.

Always remember, every person that comes into your life is only there for a limited time, so show up and be present. Sometimes later never comes and tomorrow is too late.

Sick & Tired

I rarely get in my feelings…maybe it’s because I live in my head, maybe it’s because I careless what people think of me but anyways there’s this repetitive pattern I’ve noticed with a “so-called” friend of mine that has been bothering me but today unraveled me.

Now people who know me well, know I’m quite an understanding and forgiving person. But when things don’t sit well with me, it really nags at me until I address the situation. And this one I’m just not sure how to approach it just yet because I legit want to explode. This gives way to why I don’t trust people.

I realized that I am no longer a very vocal person. How and what I felt use to always exit my speaker box without hesitation. Now I think long and hard before I speak. Sometimes I will purposefully not respond to comments or questions if I feel an internal nudge to “hold my tongue.”

But in the past year, I’ve felt most attacked, judged and criticized by someone I trusted. And during times where I was struggling to merely exist.

This individual is suppose to be a best friend, yet in the past year has not missed an opportunity to make light of what I feel are pivotal times in my life. I’ve tried to ignore and dismiss it but today it really stuck with me.

Living and learning…loving and growing…understanding and appreciating my source peace.

Earth is ghetto. And people on this planet are truly like emotional crabs in a barrel. If they feel like you’re happier than them or have something they don’t, they create a secret competition with you. All the while you’re just loving and trusting them for who you thought they were. #ElysianMe

Not Your Relationship Coach

It’s not often that I write after having a conversation with my parallel collateral descendant but this morning I have to mentally unload because he 100% triggered me.

Let me start by stating that I’m no relationship expert by any means. I have no certifications or specializations in education or science on human behavior or sociology. But I know first hand what it’s like to be hurt. I also know first hand what it is like to intentionally hurt others and the ramifications (karma) of doing such.

The person I am today, I haven’t always been. I’ve been young, dumb, and (what I thought was) crazy in love. I reflect on those periods of my life now and wish I would have done things differently in previous relationships. Maybe I wouldn’t be the struggling soon to be damaged divorcee I am now.

Sadly, I now see the same patterns in my parallel collateral descendant and it bothers me. A lot! Even though he’s an adult, I still feel compelled to provide him with guidance when asked. (Never unsolicited because again, I’m no expert and this is not my avenue) But I listen and provide feedback in hopes of helping him find the path to avoid heartbreak, toxic relationships and unhealthy behavior.

But as a man and human, he doesn’t listen to understand. He doesn’t listen to me (he didn’t really listen to my Mom either), his girlfriend, or anyone. How he feels supersedes anyone else’s feelings. He almost implies that he is the center of the universe but doesn’t come straight out and say that. He is always ready to argue and defend his wrongdoing; bandaging it with “I’m hurting too” and “This is how I feel”. He reminds me a lot of my Father. And he was quite the selfish man.

While I love him dearly, I expressed to him that hurt people, hurt people. And that’s not ok. I don’t involve myself in his relationships at all. I meet his “lady friend” when he decides to introduce them. And I can usually tell off the bat if they are “ok”. Not judging, just observing. So far I’ve been right with my thoughts and I usually just keep them to myself. Only sharing my thoughts and feelings with my Mom, because isn’t that what big sisters do?

Before I even realized it, I had shut down on him. I had no response for anything he said. And I was waiting for a pause in his monologue to end the call.

It’s 4am. I’m not in the mood to argue with him or try to overtalk him. He’s said hurtful shit to me just a few months ago so I can only imagine how his girlfriend feels. Trying to be neutral because they are both calling me, I don’t want to give his girlfriend my advice. Because when someone hurts me I tend to write them off forever. I won’t give them the ability or satisfaction of ever doing it again. Sadly the most toxic relationship of my life I can’t write off because my children are involved smh.

Tonight he reminded me of my ex so much that I had to hang up. Being disrespectful and belligerent. Disregarding his issues to point out his dislikes in someone else. Not listening and not allowing me to speak or complete my thoughts. The finger pointing, blaming, condescending talk and nonchalantness is a pain point for me. It don’t help that he’s also inebriated but still.

I remember vividly pouring out my heart to someone only to have him respond with, were you talking to me, I will call you back, I don’t have time for this, oh ok, whatever you say, or you’re right, I’m wrong…or him getting up and walking away while I was still talking…or him purposefully avoiding me to avoid having a conversation. That shit bothered me so bad that even now in any relationship or conversation (romantic or platonic) if I feel like I’m not being heard, I immediately shut down. “Don’t worry about it” is my response and I don’t like to argue so I will either change the subject or find the nearest exit. Going to sleep was also something I would do to escape.

I love my parallel collateral descendant to pieces but he’s a toxic asshole right now, with a bad attitude and unresolved/unhealed trauma. He needs to work on himself and I don’t need him reaching out to me for relationship advice while he’s in this state of mind. If he was closer, I would have drove to him and punched him dead in the face. Now I’m trying to go back to sleep with thoughts of how messed up I’ve been myself lately relationship wise.