People who are able to express themselves easily will never understand how liberating this feels. All it takes is 6 simple words sometimes. And as simple as that sounds it still doesn’t make expressing myself any easier. The topic was negativity…maybe tomorrow I can try being more positive. Giving myself some grace today…
I woke up sad and unhappy. I tried to smile but cried. I really hate it here today. I threw all their toys away. Praying the heartache and pain away. I painted my entire day away. All I hear; “Oh,it’s ok!” Sick of just hearing, “I understand”. The conversation is almost always abandoned. I’m so sick of feeling empty. Life is such a miserable place. Why live when we can die? Why love when we can hate? How much more can I lose? How much more can I take? I have no living parents here. I want to run far away. Where the trees and sky meet. I want water at my feet. I want sun on my face. It usually makes me feel okay. I just want to be happy. I just want some damn peace. Hell no I am not OK! Grief is such a muthafuckin beast.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.
I think that people change how they act so that you can learn to let go. And if you don’t willingly let go, something(s) will happen that will force you to let go. This is where you learn to trust your instincts. Your intuition will never steer you wrong. If you get a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach. This is your intuition tugging at you to take a step back, wait a moment, or just take a look around you. (Or whatever you ate last that didn’t truly agree with you)
Random things in life go wrong so that you are able to appreciate life when everything seems to be going right. You can reach your lowest point ever only to receive a gift, a job, money or help from someone to get you back on your feet. And when you get back on your feet, it’s only up from there. You experiencing such hardships allow you to plan for moments as such that may or may not arise. The key is to simply be prepared and know who is in your corner.
Before we can differentiate between the truth and a lie, we believe lies to be truth. (It all began with Santa Clause…) In learning the truth through lies we learn to trust. We tend to trust those most who don’t lie and trust those less who do lie. And then there is degrees to the lies, i.e. white lies, bold faced lies, etc. By learning to trust we create bonds, relationships, etc.
Now chance is most often the result of an unexpected experience from when the great and wonderful things in life just fall the fuck apart. When this happens all of life seems to come crashing down ever so abruptly. And in that moment all we can do is feel the emotions, see the turmoil, and mentally sabotage what good we have that we aren’t truly seeing at the moment. Then out of nowhere positive things start to happen. It changes the way you think, you stop dwelling on the negative so much and embrace the positive that is happening.
Call it what you want…chance, fate, destiny…
Now these are merely only my opinions and my approach to life. I don’t expect everyone or anyone to agree. But after a lifetime of upset, disappoinment, heartache and pain. I had to learn how to navigate my the not so happy moments in my life. What works for me may not work for you, but this is where I dump my thoughts so….eh
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