Buckle up for a whirlwind adventure! Today, we’re trading tissues for birthday cheer as my soon-to-be-14-year-old daughter, my son and I embark on a DMV getaway to celebrate her special day. Yes, it comes on the heels of a not-so-happy breakup, but sometimes, a change of scenery and quality time with your favorite people is the best medicine.
We’ve got a fun weekend planned, filled with exploring the amazing museums in DC (future scientists and artists unite!), conquering the cherry blossom trees (hopefully they’re still blooming!), and maybe even a boat ride on the Potomac.
Of course, a birthday trip wouldn’t be complete without some fun surprises. We’re keeping some things under wraps, but let’s just say there might be a delicious cake from a local bakery, a movie marathon in our PJs (essential for any teen, I’m told!), and maybe even a spa night complete with questionable face mask choices and uncontrollable laughter.
This trip isn’t just about celebrating my daughter’s birthday, though that’s definitely a priority. It’s also about creating new memories, sharing some laughs (and maybe a few tears – happy ones, this time!), and reminding each other that we’re a team.
Sure, a breakup can throw a wrench into things, but it doesn’t have to cancel the fun. We’re approaching this trip with open hearts and a sense of adventure. Who knows, maybe amidst the museums and monuments, we’ll both discover a little bit of healing and a whole lot of joy.
Here’s to strong moms, adventurous children, and the magic of birthday celebrations that mend hearts and create lasting memories. Stay tuned for updates from our DMV adventure!
Let’s talk about no contact after a breakup. It feels weird, right? Like slamming a door shut on a maybe, a what-if. But here’s the thing I’m starting to realize: sometimes, that’s exactly what you need to heal.
This breakup is fresh, and the temptation to text or to call is constant. It’s like a scab I keep picking at, keeping the wound raw. No contact is about stopping that cycle, giving myself space to breathe.
It’s not about punishment or forgetting them entirely. It’s about creating space to grow, to rediscover myself. Who am I, outside of that relationship? What makes me happy on my own?
Maybe with this time apart, I’ll see things clearer. Maybe the rose-colored glasses will fade, and I can see the relationship for what it truly was. No contact might even help me appreciate the good while acknowledging why it didn’t work out.
Honestly, no contact is scary. But staying stuck in a loop of emotions is scarier. I deserve the space to heal, to move forward. And who knows, maybe down the line, things will be different. But for now, the focus is on me. On healing, on emerging stronger.
It’s been a rough week, and honestly, I haven’t felt like my usual chipper self. Let’s just say the “wash my face, cry in the shower, eat ice cream” phase has been hitting hard.
But here’s the thing I’m realizing: it’s okay. Social media might paint this picture of perfect post-breakup healing, but let me tell you, it’s messy AF! There are days when sadness hangs heavy, and anger comes out in unexpected ways (RIP planter).
I’m allowing myself to feel the feels. Sometimes it’s a sob fest, other times it’s letting out all the emotions into a journal. Bottling it up only makes the pressure build, and I’m all about releasing that pressure in healthy ways (maybe minus the planter-related collateral damage).
This doesn’t mean I’m staying stuck. Healing takes time, and right now, I’m giving myself the space to grieve the end of this chapter. It was a huge part of my life, and acknowledging that loss is important. While some days are tearjerkers, I’m also leaning on my amazing friends, indulging in comfort food (hello, cheese Naan), and rediscovering things that make me happy (painting and drawing).
Remember, healing isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs, and that’s perfectly okay. We all move at our own pace, and right now, mine involves a healthy dose of self-compassion and maybe a box of Kleenex.
Tears streamed down my face, blurring the already distorted image of my reflection. “Why is it so hard for someone to just love me?” I choked out, the question echoing in the empty room.
It wasn’t always this way. My childhood was a constant ache, a void left by a father who was never consistently present. My mom, bless her heart, tried everything, but that emptiness gnawed at me. I yearned for a love that never came, a yearning that festered into a pattern of terrible relationships. Men who saw me as an object, not a person. Cheating, lying, a parade of disrespect that chipped away at my already fragile sense of worth.
Then came David. We connected, and for a while, it felt different. I, naive and hopeful, shared the deepest crevice of my heart – my fear of being alone, unwanted. But David, like the others, failed me. Slowly, subtly, he withdrew. Communicating less and fussing more.
Was this my fate? To be perpetually alone, tossed aside like a forgotten toy? The answer, a therapist once told me, resided within myself. Years of emotional neglect had warped my perception of love, making me vulnerable to those who mirrored my father’s absence.
I realized, love wasn’t something to be found, but to be built. Built on a foundation of self-respect, nurtured by kindness and compassion – for myself, first and foremost.
Taking a deep breath, I wiped away my tears. The rain continued its relentless assault, but a tiny spark flickered within me – the embers of hope. I wouldn’t wait for someone to love me. I would go back to loving myself.
At the cusp of four decades, a profound shift has taken hold, beckoning me to reassess my life again and seek solace amidst the whirlwind of my existence.
Finding peace at forty was a journey of introspection, acceptance, and a graceful surrender to the ebb and flow of my human experience. It was a time to completely shed societal expectations, embrace my wonderful uniqueness, and forge my own path toward contentment.
A solo birthday trip taught me that cultivating self-awareness, practicing mindfulness, and fostering meaningful connections, is what unlocks the elusive tranquility I crave. It required a gentle release of the relentless pursuit of perfection, a compassionate acknowledgment of my imperfections, and a deep appreciation for the beauty of the present moment.
I learned that finding peace at forty was not a destination but rather an ongoing process, a continuous exploration of my inner landscape, leading me to a place of serenity and fulfillment.
Friendship is a beautiful and essential part of our lives. It’s the laughter, the shared secrets, and the support that makes life’s journey a little more manageable. I’ve always valued my friendships but even more in recent years. In every group of friends, there’s often that one person who takes the initiative to coordinate get-togethers, outings, and memorable experiences. They are the glue that keeps the social circle intact, but what happens when nobody seems to reciprocate the effort?
In my old group of friends it was I, the mastermind friend behind the memorable gatherings. I was that one person who seemed to naturally take on the role of the “memory coordinator”. I was the go-to person for planning parties, outings, and even just casual hangouts. I would invest time and effort in ensuring that everyone’s schedules aligned, creating opportunities for everyone to bond, have fun and make memories.
Being the memory coordinator certainly had its benefits. I got the satisfaction of seeing my friends come together, reconnecting, and sharing joyous moments. It was rewarding to know that I played a pivotal role in making these memories possible. However, there was also a downside to this grand role.
The sad truth is that the friend who takes on the role of memory coordinator often finds themselves in a precarious situation. I was so busy orchestrating holiday events and birthday gatherings that I neglected the big fact that if I didn’t perform in my role that I would not see my friends. This ultimately lead to feelings of loneliness and frustration.
The emotional toll of being the lonely memory coordinator was significant. It was disheartening to put in so much effort only to find that my friends were not as proactive when it came to including me in any friend gathering plans as a group or individually. Over time, feelings of resentment and isolation grew deep, and it lead to a sense of being the unappreciated friend.
Because my friends are my family I chose to address the situation. I began by intimately sharing my feelings with my friends individually. When nothing changed, I stop overextending myself and waited to see if someone else would put forth effort. In the interim, I began to focus on self-care and spending time alone doing things that brought me joy. I even considered expanding my social circle and connecting with others but realized that I had invested a lot of time in my group of friends and I did not want to open myself up to be let down again by friendly individuals. Am I wrong for treating my friendship like any other relationship?
I learned to nurture my own need for friendship by practicing self-care to alleviate the feeling of being lonely. True friendships are built on mutual effort, and my friends should be willing to make time for me, just as I have done for them. Until then, I’ll vacation quietly and celebrate silently.
Never thought I’d enter the last year of my 30s on a cruise. I vividly remember saying I don’t want to go on a cruise and end up like the people who boarded the Titanic. I know ignorance is bliss…
As an ode to my Roaring 30s, I opted to cruise for the first time with the one I love. And not just a first time cruise but also a cruise to a destination that neither of us had visited. I say all the time, I wish I’d met him sooner so that I could love him longer because this is how I have always wanted to feel. Happy, safe, at peace and engulfed in love.
The cruise was nothing short of amazing once we were able to get into our stateroom, take showers and change to begin our epic baecation. The night before we were upgraded to an ocean view room and I’m so glad we were. The view was amazing and much appreciated whenever we retreated to the room for a people break or nap.
Refreshing…rejuvenating…renewing
This trip revealed a lot to me. And according to my 40 and older friends, this is the part of life that is truly enjoyable…if you allow it. It’s where we truly adopt the “idgaf” attitude about a lot in life. Color me crazy, but I think I’ve been preparing for my 40s all my life lol.
Unbothered by anything and everything…we gave that cruise all we had to offer. We relaxed. Moved at our own pace throughout the day. Appreciated room service and the 10 videos that played repeatedly on the music channel as we got dressed each day (all day). New Edition’s, “Still in Love” will never be heard the same by us lol.
From the moment we left the parking garage, tired from driving hours to the port, hot, sweaty and excited, I gave up all thoughts of having to be in control to react to any situation. I attempted to put my mind on DND for 5 days and I’m so glad I did. This wonderful man that was ever so gently placed in my life made sure that I was safe at all times.
But truly here I was on a boat with thousands of people…out in the middle of the ocean. Anyone who knows me knows this is out of my norm. Upon boarding even I began to question what the fuck I was actually doing and if I’d make it. I can laugh now but at that moment I consumed all the drugs I had on hand at once in hopes of crushing any and all anxiety that had begun to creep up inside me. I remember how my encounters with others usually go and was even more thankful we upgraded to the ocean view room for the moments when I’d need to reflect on yet another crazy decision I have haphazardly made.
Anytime we’re out and about it’s always a vibe. You have me who always attracts the strangest but nicest people. And then Baby Love who meets no stranger. So just imagine the people that we met…awesome couples/people, cute and respectful kids and heavy handed bartenders. We celebrated a young couples engagement, and shared advice for their many years of happiness together. We talked to an interracial couple about parenting today. Debates occurred often lol. There was one about the pool being empty or full. And also whether or not there were jumping fish in the ocean as we sat among the chill folks on the smoking deck lol. I was asked so many times how many drinks I had consumed but I was usually always not tripping and things were as they appeared lol. (Except for the 2 hours I kept saying the boat was moving and it wasn’t lmao)
Well I never made it to the front of the boat to reenact the scene from the Titanic when Kate was flying. (I warned you that I was weird and yes I linked the clip just in case you forgot the best scene from the entire movie). But the most epic part of our vacation was not even my actual birthday. The day before my birthday we docked in Cozumel. I tried to find the most unique excursion to do with my Baby Love. Mostly because it’s just my nature but also because from the time I realized I love this man, I wanted us to experience all the “firsts” imaginable together. Late starts don’t eliminate all firsts. And so that led us to walking on the bottom of the ocean floor!
If you’re ever in Cozumel, please visit Seatrek in Downtown Cozumel inside Jeanie’s Restaurant & Bar. The restaurant staff was amazing but the diving team at Seatrek were God’s gift to tourists. It’s an experience to remember and the best part is you don’t have to know how to swim. I’m telling you…go.live.your.best.life!
I’ve never doubted the love I have for him. But every time I caught a glimpse of him I got warm and fuzzy like a teenage girl. 3 years doesn’t seem like a long time at all but it feels like I’ve loved this man far beyond this lifetime.
In My Unapologetic Life... 