Tag: #love

“Special Place”

I do weird things, I cope in weird ways and thankfully I’ve never been one of those people who need to be accepted or felt the need to follow the crowd. I like what I like and I do what makes me happy.

I do however, live in my head a lot. Which could be a positive or negative thing. Once upon a time, I use to write a lot. I do mean a lot to empty my thoughts. Poetry was my escape. My journals were full of poems. Some happy and cheerful. Most sad, dark and dreary. I don’t think I have an end of the spectrum that I stick to.

Tonight I couldn’t sleep. And tonight all I could hear is my Baby Love’s voice saying I just want to know what’s in that head of yours. Nobody really wants to know what is inside of this dome! It’s truly a bunch of bullshit scrolling across a marquee most of the time, a few “F” bombs and then that color block screen that use to be on the televisions back in the day at night when programming was done for the night. (These are all filters) The real shit is buried in the corners and it’s scary, dark and just damn right depressing. I don’t want to share that with anyone. Energy draining much?

Well tonight I wrote…surprised, I lifted the lid to this Macbook because I’m feeling really carpal tunnelish. I began doodling earlier during a meeting and decided to use that paper to write on…and when I start doodling, it is sort of hard to stop. It’s quite therapeutic for me. The poetry bug hit me. And since I rarely share any of it, tonight I’m being daring. 

"Special Place"

There's this thing I do
When I think of you
It's a game I play
Where I sit and close my eyes while reality fades away
I visit this "special place"
Far beyond the stars and space

I go to this place you see
Because no one exists there besides you and me
And in this "special place" everything is perfectly alright
Nothing but our love exists and we never seem to leave each other's sight
In this "special place" there is no sadness
No grief, no frustrations or irritations, no judges, none of that madness
There's no rules to follow and no laws to break
No people, bars or walls to hold us back or keep us separate

No time to wait until we can kiss or touch
And no more of just saying you "I love you" - instead we show how much 
A ping, ding or call signifies that my game must end
I have to open my eyes and allow reality to set in
But one day soon - and we both know when
I won't have to close my eyes and play the game ever again

-RDW

Missing You

I woke up today with the feeling of just wanting to lay in bed, curled up on my heating pad and watching TV. Slipping in and out of naps while the kids run in and out of the bedroom.

I miss my Baby Love something serious today…I’m trying not to get in the habit of counting days or weeks in hopes that time will fly like it did before now. But this time of the year sucks. I repeat to myself that it won’t be like this always. And “It’s almost Friday!”

Sitting in the bed, I remember this time last year, we had a great weekend. This was the weekend he planned. He said, I always was the one to plan things for us to do, so he wanted to plan the weekend. I was game. It didn’t really matter to me honestly. Us being together whether we did a lot or nothing was fine with me. Foodies…one thing we do well is eat. Even though I am now vegetarian, we still manage to find the coolest and best places to grub.

That particular weekend was really sweet. And I sit and smile because I can’t wait to have more days like that for the rest of our lives. He truly planned the entire weekend. We had a schedule lol. Food, movies, food, indoor skydiving, food, and relax. The movie was great. The food all weekend was awesome but dinner at the family owned and operated restaurant outdoors was beautiful. If I close my eyes, I can picture that evening all over again. I think to myself, I love this man. He can do absolutely nothing and I’d love him just because he is himself.

This year is bittersweet because we are separated in distance but I hang on to the thought that in due time, we will be under one roof with plenty of time to do all the things we didn’t think we had time to do…Game Day Sunday with snacks and trash talking, people watching when we’re out and about and bored; making up stories about their lives and interactions, movie days in bed at home, playing with the kids, cooking together and for each other…the Nerf Gun War…the water gun fights…I see the sunshine peeking through the clouds but the rainbow is on the other side of the new year. And I cannot wait.

I miss your smile
And your joking ways,
I miss the sweet things 
You use to say,
Through daily mental memories
I do recall,
That's when I miss you
Most of all

Very Best Friend

I created a whole new level in my friendships lol. There is friend, best friend and now very best friend. Let’s be clear, I don’t possess a lot of friends. And most of my friends are guys because, I have just never really been able to vibe with females. They are catty, always in secret competition with you and then just not trustworthy. I have three female friends. But when I really break down our relationship, I have one. The other two are actually relatives. My male friends…I have four. One is much older than me and he’s like my mentor. He’s helped me through a lot and I him. Three of them are close in age or went to school with me. And one of them I met when I relocated and we just have always kept in touch. All of them are a thorn in my side because they treat me like kid sister.

Well now I have a very best friend. This title is exclusive. This very best friend knows me inside and out. We share some of the most intimate moments together. We share dreams, goals, fears and wishes for the future. He’s my other half. This level of friendship is like no other friendship I’ve had before. One where I am free to be me (I am always me, sorry) but I don’t feel like I’ve offended anyone or have someone feel a way about something I’ve said or done. He’s the one who isn’t afraid to give it to me straight, tell me what’s on his mind and put me in my place when needed.

Very best friend…I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him…you know until the end.

Dreams Come True…

As long as we have someone to share our dreams with, there’s nothing we can’t do and nothing we can’t be!

I turn over and I guess whatever dream I was having had ended. I squint and squeeze my eyes open and close to focus on the time on the Echo Show sitting next to the bed. 4:14am, I think it says. I wonder, are you awake??? I focus a little more and see the picture behind the time is of you and I. I have on that silly mullet wig from Halloweens ago. You are just being you lol. Standing behind me smiling for the picture that I’m sure you just walked into. We don’t take nearly enough pictures to reflect on all the fun and good times. They reside in our memories and that is perfectly ok. I imagine that was a good day in the picture. I can’t pinpoint when it was or what we did, but there is always a good time had whenever we are together. And that’s in between the sheets or not. I miss you…

It’s bit chilly in the house at this hour. It is noticeable that it’s cold outside. I pull the covers back up over my shoulders and try to bury myself inside the bed. I turn over and grab one of the many throw pillows that form a mountain on the bed. I tuck the pillow into my chest and hold it tight. Not long ago, I would turn over and nestle into you, placing my hand on your chest. This is what I call home. Normally if I woke like this, with these feelings I’d cry.

Today I don’t cry. I’m reminded that dreams do come true. It is not so far fetched and crazy to imagine a life with someone you truly love. But what is a little scary is how quickly these dreams manifest into reality. And maybe that solely depends on the person and how strong their faith is. Instead of crying, I close my eyes and smile as I hold the pillow. So many thoughts run through my mind. Like how we have so much bed and yet you lay on the edge. Or you saying how “hot” I am laying next to you. My body would feel like it is on fire. (It’s literally the Aries in me 🤣🤣🤣) How about the age old conversation about why there are just too many damn pillows on the bed. And then I remember how we would make it a sport sometimes tossing the pillows from the bed to the resting chair when we prepare for slumber. My mind quickly shifts to us having this all out Nerf Gun war at home…it’s going to happen, so I hope he’s ready.

I have a lot to do. I have a place to locate and secure, a car to repair and a truck to purchase. I think this will be the perfect starter pack to starting life over. I will never compare my life before to now because there is simply no comparison. No matter the hardships, this life will still be so much better. Even with all that I’ve lost, I have peace. Even with all the setbacks, I am happy. And right now even with our temporary distance, I am excited for OUR future.

I know you disagree, but it won’t be long before you’re back with me. Time is going to fly, you just wait and see…