Tag: #living

The Countdown

It’s March!!! I’ve been a little absent working on a huge project that I am hoping will change the trajectory of my “career”. As a devout Healthcare IT Professional, I am feeling uninterested, disengaged and unfocused on my 10+ year career choice. While I love my job, my employer and what I do, I no longer find it fulfilling. I know there is something else that I am suppose to be doing that has a much greater purpose.

In an effort to tap into this intuitive feeling of changing directions in my life professionally, I created my own business (again). Except this time, it is a solo venture. I use to love the idea of going into business with a close friend. You know, I eat, they eat, we are all happy and thriving. Nope. People are selfish and self-centered and often times not loyal, honest or trustworthy.

As creative as I am, I find myself doubting my abilities a lot. I suppress my own talents by being afraid not only of failure but also of success and the unknown. Well one day I jumped completely off the ledge into the abyss of owning a business all of my own. I have ideas on pages in journals and in notes on my iPad and phone of things that I want to do. Some I’ve already put into place, others, I’m not sure where to begin. I wrote a book. Completed a few eBooks, working on a Mindful Art course and a grief support group as I felt isolated, unheard, and uncared for by those close to me as I continue to drag myself through this ghetto ass process of grieving. Grief definitely changes you as a person and while losing my Mother created a huge shift in my life, it has not been all negative. If she’s watching, reading, or hovering near I hope she knows I am going to continue to make her proud. I’m not sure what else to do at this point anyways.

The sad part about March is the one year anniversary of my Mom’s transition. This brings about a lot of emotions. I feel like a fortune teller. As if this is all unreal and I am simply predicting a future event, hence reliving the day all over again.

On top of a few exciting business endeavors, March also brings warm weather which allows me to get back to running. (YAY!!!) Never thought I’d be happy to run recreationally after getting out of the Army lol. But the most exciting part of March is that my Baby Love comes home!!! A short hiatus is imminent while we reconnect and reset but stay tuned for all the great things to come. I’m sure there may be a few days where I the urge to blog will strike but I want to spend time uninterrupted with my Love. It’s been way too long.

You are Magic!

Magic (ma-jic)
an extraordinary power or influence seemingly from a supernatural source

The attempt to define magic is difficult at best. It is used more as a word to describe, rather than one that can be defined. The same can be said for who you are. We attempt to define ourselves, yet no adequate words exist to describe the complexity of who we are. We can describe what we look like, the type of work we perform, our ethnic heritage or gender. Yet, that comes nowhere near the truth of what animates your being. You are a mystery. You are magic. 

Scientists have been searching for the origins and meaning of existence since the beginning of time as we know it. Various religions have been born out of an attempt to define the indefinable. We often engage in the endless pursuit to define who we are, where we came from and what is the purpose of our existence. We often times measure ourselves against others and their accomplishments. We are overwhelmed each day with media images of what is thought to be acceptable or unacceptable in the eyes of society. There is always an ongoing quest to explain the unexplainable.

Truth of the matter is, you are who you are and that is ever changing. You are amazing. Every morning when you open your eyes, you begin a new journey. The choices and decisions that you make color and change who you are. You are a unique, magical being. Have you forgotten this? Have you allowed the world to take away your magic and dull your sparkle? Each time you have a thought or task and give it life- you are creating! From preparing a meal for your family or doodling on paper during a meeting. Everything you do adds a different layer to who you are. Life is a complete mystery and by accepting this fact you become one with it and are able to maneuver though it. 

Think back and remember the last time you were really in tune with something you wanted to accomplish. Remember how easy and enjoyable it was to put together all the pieces of the puzzle to create the final outcome? You were not anxious or the least bit concerned about what other people were thinking or doing. You were one with the energy of your creation. That same dynamic is possible in all aspects of your life. By becoming one with the magical energy of who you are, you create. In the same token, you can also create your own limitations by putting up walls of fear and inadequacy.

So…embrace your power; consider what you create each and everyday and don’t sell yourself short. If you can put together the ingredients to make a cake, you can use the same recipe to create anything else you desire. Create a recipe that works for you. Be consistent with the energy of what you want to bring into your life. If you have made several attempts with no apparent success- try a different way. Add or remove something from the recipe. Be in tune with the Universal force of magic. 

Where is your energy at this moment? Are you focusing on life affirming activities or caught up with what someone else is doing or not doing? Is your energy directed on how to get someone else to change or do what you want him or her to do? What is the topic of most of your conversations? Think about the last conversation you had- were you sharing hopes, dreams and ideas or were you complaining about how things are not going the way you want them to? A large percentage of our words, thoughts and energy are given to what is going on around us. By understanding and knowing that you are a powerful, magical being- you regain the power that is wasted on things you cannot control. You cannot control another persons emotions or actions. If someone is in your life and they are causing you distress- it is because of your choice to allow them to remain part of your life. If you are not happy with the situation you are in, you have a choice to change it. You are not your past. You are not what someone did to you or what was taken from you. The events and people in your life have served to shape who you are at this very moment. The events of today, will further hone who you are tomorrow- and so on.

To become a truly empowered being, you have to reach deep down inside of yourself and utilize your own power. It is not important as to what your spiritual or theological beliefs are. What is important is that you understand the fact that you are a creator. What do you want to create? Peace, harmony and joy or chaos and drama? Are you always feeling angry and frustrated? Being angry or frustrated is only beneficial if it serves to steer you another direction. Conflict can sometimes be an incredible catalyst for change if you use the energy to move. Choose to take a different path or look at things from a different perspective. It does not matter how you do it, the important takeaway is that you get into a place that you want to be. 

You are who you are and that is perfect. Do not allow anything or anyone to diminish and cage your personal power. Allowing your inner self to grow and blossom is a process. Enjoy the journey!

Be Your Own Valentine

Many people probably are not aware that grief is the form that love takes when you mourn the loss of someone close to you. Associating the day with someone significant can spark powerful emotions.

Valentine’s Day in itself emphasizes love, romance and togetherness. When reminded that you no longer have that special person in your life, this day could feel like utter shit. It’s hard to escape the displays in stores, the signs in windows or along the road or even ads on the Internet.

As a person who has lost their Father, Mother, Grandfathers, Grandmother, children and many other special people, I feel as though the day is praised and emphasized entirely too much and for what. Especially for those of us who are mourning the loss of love from those who were once close.

If you’re struggling today, I invite you to try some of these tips below. Remember it’s ok to not be ok. And don’t let anyone tell you anything differently. You have a friend in grief here, so if you need support send me a message. I will be happy to chat and be a pillar of support during your hard times. No pressure.

There are NO Rules

Often times people feel pressured to act a certain way as it pertains to mourning. Give yourself grace on today. Grieve in anyway that suits you and don’t worry about what others may think. Despite societal pressures and norms, there is truly no right or wrong way to mourn the loss of someone. (And this is to include pets for my animal lovers…to me they are just as human as people)

Burn Some Lead

Journaling is one of my favorite things to do to relieve stress and to start my day on a positive note. Nothing makes me feel better and focused than using a No.2 all wood to get the thoughts out of my head and onto paper. This freeing process is exceptional at helping you to process and organize your thoughts. Now I know everyone is not into physical writing (pen/pencil to paper) but fret now, it is also productive if you feel compelled to type. Don’t go back and read what you write, and keep these journaled thoughts somewhere that only you can get to. This is not only therapuetic but also can aide you in your grief response.

Honor Your Love

Channel your thoughts and feelings in a positive light during the day. There are many ways to honor your loved one that doesn’t require spending a coin. You could donate blood, volunteer your time at a nursing home or local homeless shelter. Focus your attention on a way to honor your dearly departed loved one. This may turn into your new annual tradition.

Be Your Own Valentine

The heavy process of grief can be physically debilitating for some. As a bereaved person, you may suffer from insomnia, poor eating and lack of physical activity. While others feel the need to love on someone else, today practice some self-love. Pay attention to yourself. Do something that will make you feel better or even smile today.