Just an average silly, nerdy chick. That's weird in probably a million different ways, sharing my sometimes fucked up life with you. Showing others that they should enjoy life, because there's always someone in a worse situation.
I wanted nothing more today than to lay in my bed with my covers pulled up to my ears and just be. I love my job but I just hate Monday’s. I mean we are just raped of a weekend and thrown into a workday in the blink of an eye. But it’s Monday, I have to work, kids have to eat and be cared for, dog has to be walked, fed and fussed at, trash has to go to the curb…I think I had it all covered. I’m working on being productive. So far it’s proving to be a struggle, but it’s ok. I’ll keep trying.
I have a really bad hankering for a salad…so do you know what my ass did??? Tell em what you did girl! I drove an hour and 18 minutes to a salad shop. I ordered the salad, ate most of it in the parking lot and then drove back home…
My life is full of these real haphazard ass trips and moments as of late…
I’m sure it has a lot to do with my newfound “quitting” spirit. I quit eating meat. I quit grief therapy. I quit people. I quit trying. I did make it throught the 12 weeks of reflection in grief counseling. But I’m beginning to think somehow the reset button was pressed. Gently placing me somewhere in between Self-Care and Compulsive & Addictive Behavior… Queue Deborah Cox, Nobody’s Suppose To Be Here. How did I get here???
I just want to lay in my bed, eat chips and shop on Amazon…sounds depressing I know but it is quite peaceful. Just me, the rustling of the bag, the crunch of the chips between my teeth and the tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk of my fingers on my laptop keyboard…
I am happy that the day is over. And on that note, I am going to fulfill part of my dream by dragging my body out of the bed and into the kitchen to get a bag of the chips of the quarter….
I legit was worried that my Fur Son was out in the world, cold, alone and afraid. He’s a big one, but he is just a baby.
I had folks looking under the house for him and riding the neighborhood. He was nowhere to be found. Night had caught us. I definitely wasn’t going to get any sleep. I rode through the neighborhoods closest to ours just to see if he had gotten too far from home and just couldn’t find his way back. He is a very smart boy. And above all else, he knows that Mommie is never going to leave him hanging. Hell I ended vacation a day early because he got away from the dog sitter.
I think he is acting out because he is ready to become a man…Sow his royal oats you know…but I cannot let him do that. He’s just a baby. My baby. And sowing his oats has consequences. Consequences that apparently he is not ready for since he runs off like the toddler he is. He will not leave me to care for his litter of kids and pay pup support…
Well, someone called the man and had him picked and booked him for Attempted B&E. He did a night in county. I woke up calling around the local shelters to see if he was there. I think I may have found him when the lady placed me on hold. I was given a website to verify his identity, he was missing his ID and rabies tag. He was a damn Dog Doe in lockup! I’m scrolling and low and behold, I see his little caramel face on my computer screen. I could breathe again. Now I had to get dressed to go bail him out.
Thankfully he hadn’t been in any trouble with the law in the past so they gave us a break. He was released with 6 months probation, has to wear a neck monitor and has mandated supervised yard time until the invisible fence is installed. After that he will perform 100 hours of community service by picking up sticks and trash around the property.
I’m disappointed in him. Out of all my children I didn’t think he’d be the first to have a record. Now who’s going to hire him as a service dog. He’s a canine felon…
DOPUS # 49313505
Interestingly enough, there’s more crazy $h!t that happens in my unapologetic life. Check out some of my previous posts:
Growing up, I had a plethora of pets. I was a complete tomboy. Outside was my favorite place to be. We had cats, we had dogs, I collected turtles and firefly’s.
I owned a cat, Cookie. He was killed. A stupid ass neighbor gave my baby antifreeze. He died in the front of the house in the yard.
I had several fish…they were different. Fish are the least bit therapeutic. Like I just was not a fan. That tank was a barrier for me.
Miley came along temporarily. We fell in love. Miley was the smallest dog I ever had. At the time I thought she was the craziest. Tiny chuihuahah stuck in the body of a pit bull. She barked at everything and everyone. She hated her crate. I thought my daughter was going to kill her. She would heave her down the stairs while they were playing. She’d hold her toy in mid air while she was hanging from it. Was this normal? Hell was it ok? My daughter was 4 or 5. I thought a pet for an only child was a great idea. Miley was spoiled rotten. And then she got to go back home. That ended quick.
There was a void. And now my daughter had the pleasure of having a pet and that’s all she talked about. Mommie I want doggie! The deal was when we moved out of our townhouse into a house with a fenced in yard, then we’d get another dog. I didn’t want another small dog. I wanted some reinforcement. Growing up I never had small dogs anyways. A Boxer, Pit Bull, German Shepherd, Collie(??)…my folks just got dogs, I don’t think they truly cared about the breed. Shit, I’m not sure why we had dogs, they stayed in fences…I would just go inside the fenced pen and play with them.
I found a house, it had a fence…the kids (now 2 kids) asked “Mommie so now that we have a house with a fence can we get a dog? Sure, I have to find one.
It took a year. My coworker dog was having puppies. She begged me to take one. Kept talking about how the kids would love it. Blah, blah, blah…she had 7 or 8 puppies she needed to get rid of lol.
She sent pictures of the puppies when they were born. Simba caught my eye. They had already named them. He was the calmest out of the bunch. He was the one that didn’t really sleep as a puppy. Christmas Eve 2017, we made up an adoption certificate. We had a ceremony. I took the kids to her house and she had bathed Simba and put a bow on him. He was their Christmas present. I had already been around Simba when I’d go with her on lunch to take the pups out to use the bathroom and to feed them. I had picked Simba out before she sold the others.
Simba…my handsome gentle giant… I need you more than you know…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️ This post contains sexual content that may not be suitable for some audiences. Reader discretion is advised.
I turn over and nestle my head on his chest. He adjusts his body and wraps his arm around me. This is home. Sleepily, I enjoy the sound of his heart beating while my head gently rises and falls with each breath that he takes. This is peace.
He’s still sleep or so I think. I place my hand on the center of his chest. I could lay here forever. But it’s not the weekend…and we have to work. The thought was nice. But while I can, I will enjoy this. This moment of being still. In love.
I didn’t notice as I laid there in such a state of peacefulness that I had to began to caress him. Rubbing his chest, stomach and arm with just the pads of my fingertips and sometimes my nails. It’s a habit and it’s soothing. I was trying not to wake him. Rest. He needed it.
I think to myself, every morning should begin with a noticeable action of love. And sex doesn’t solely define love. Do it right with enough time to spare and I’m cooking breakfast. And that’s breakfast in bed.
When I feel his hand gently rub up and down my back, I know he’s awake. I continue gently caressing him and thinking. I hear him speak softly from what seemed like miles away. I was in deep thought. I reply “Huh?” because I didn’t hear anything he said. Why is he awake? I try my best not to wake him when I can’t sleep. He asks me, “Can’t sleep?” I take a deep breath and respond, “Nope.” Like clockwork he questions, “You need some help?” I chuckle at the thought because I never reply to that question. I imagine it’s always rhetorical. And the unspoken answer is always YES. “Come here…” he says as he hugs me a little tighter.
This is when we start to escape reality…we call it magic…
Our bedroom is dark. The corner of the room is the only area illuminated by the light of the fancy diffuser sitting on the dresser. His kisses are always deep and passionate. Even more when he’s trying to be nasty. And don’t let him begin to explore my Magic Kingdom with his extraordinary tongue…stick a fork in me, I’m done.
This mere activity stops time. I mean literally. We can lose track of time and do this for hours. Penetration doesn’t have to occur immediately or even at all. We’ve mastered the resistance and the urge to fuck like rabbits at all times. Believe me it hasn’t always been this easy. It took great practice.
This morning I think his objective is to put me back to sleep. His hand ever so gently strokes my breast then down to stomach. As he slid his hand over my Magic Box, he brushed against my secret pearl with his finger. As he kisses me our souls begin to dance.
It’s about to go down…And I never once looked at the clock.
In one clean swoop, he rotated me from mounting him to him kneeling between my caramel thighs. It’s always something to look up and see a chocolate, fine, bearded specimen in the dark lol. He’s perfect, he’s all mine. He leans in to kiss me. We fit together just like a puzzle. As he kisses me, he slowly slides his now awakened and erect dick inside me. Reaching the point of no return and he stays right there lightly tapping my cervix until he is done kissing me. I melt…I gush all over him.
It’s been how long now? This ‘love me long time’ feeling has never went away…I hope it never does…
He is in the zone now, giving me deep, long slow strokes he touches the edge of my Earth over and over again, until he shakes my ice capped mountain and causes substantial flooding in my magical wonderland. The portal opens and we completely exit this realm and make love in the galaxy. There’s stars, still ones, ones that twinkle and shooting stars. There’s asteroids, fairies, unicorns, and lost balloons. It feels ah-mazing. Together we let our love explode. After what feels like hours we descend back to this realm; spent, hyperventilating, sweating, tachycardic and slightly lethargic.
I find the energy to turn over on my side to face him. I see the sun peeking through the side of window as I lay in his embrace drifting off to sleep. I rub his beard and mumble “Good Morning My Love…”
In My Unapologetic Life... 