Tag: #blogger

🎬 Movie Review: A House of Dynamite


Rating: ★★★★★★★★★★ (10/10)

There are films that entertain you for a night — and then there are films that grab you by the throat, drop you in the silence, and leave your mind running long after the credits roll. A House of Dynamite is just that.

This movie doesn’t just build suspense; it becomes suspense. It plays with time, chaos, and human fragility in a way that feels almost too real. The story ends abruptly with no comfort, no closure, no neat little bow to make you feel safe again. And that’s the genius of it.

Because in real life, we wouldn’t get an ending either.
If something catastrophic were set in motion — a missile, a code, a decision — the truth is, most of us would never know until it was too late. Or maybe nothing would happen at all, and it would be neatly buried under “classified.” Either way, we’d be left in the dark — just like the audience.

That’s what makes this film brilliant. It forces you to sit in uncertainty, to think about how fragile control really is, and how quickly life can shift in a second. There’s no final answer because sometimes there isn’t one.

It’s rare for a movie to give you no comfort and still feel this complete. The tension, the silence, the unspoken questions — they linger like smoke after an explosion you never actually see.

Bravo to the producers and writers for creating a cinematic experience that dares to mirror reality. This movie was raw, unresolved, and hauntingly possible.

If you watched, what are your thoughts?

Month 5

It’s 5pm. And I’m excited. I’m not sure why, this guy never does what he says he is going to do. But I want nothing more than to be around him. This guy is my Father. I’m 9 years old. I’ve testified in court and now my Mom is sitting across from me crying because I am being made by a court order, to go stay with my Father, his wife and children. In our house, it’s just me and my Mother. She feels like her everything is being taken away from her. She silently sobs and picks at her jeans.

I stare out the front door of our house watching the tree limbs sway back and forth when the wind blows. I begin to wonder why is my Mother so sad? Why is she crying? He is my Father. I have no idea what my Mother goes through behind closed doors. I’m just a kid. And I just want my Father…I want him to want me.

I move from the chair to the floor in front of the stereo. The sun is going down and I ask my Mom if I can play some music while I wait. She motions for me to go ahead. I’m playing music for her, not for me. I can physically feel how sad she is. My chest feels heavy and I want to cry every time I look at her. She is so sad. As bad as I want to go with my Father, I do not want to leave my Mother like this.

I find Kenny G’s Breathless cd in the organized shelf of cd’s. I pop it in and I forward to track 9, “Even If My Heart Would Break”. She and I have listened to this song on her good days. She would grab my hand and dance with me around the living room. After it starts to play, I walk to her and I extend my hand. I begin to sing terribly “I’ve been around this world, I’ve been a lot of places…” At this point, I’ve forgotten about my Father. I’m more worried about my Mother and right now I want nothing more than for her to smile. Just so she can have a moment where she isn’t crying. If she feels how I am feeling, then I know she is truly hurting even if I don’t understand why.

She looks up at me and place her arms on the arms of the chair. With her head tilted slightly she asks, “child where have you been? Talking about you been around the world“…she chuckles, grabs my hand and rises from the chair to dance with me. We sing and we dance and we fall in the floor. After our dance, we cook and I fell asleep on her bed looking at clothes in her Spiegel catalog. We were ordering clothes to take pictures for Labor Day. She would pick my outfit and I’d pick hers. (Real Best Friend Shit)

My Father never came. This was nothing new. He always sold me the most elaborate dreams to never cash in on them. And when he saw me, I’d get the brush off and he’d tell me another lie or make another empty promise.

It’s been 5 months and this morning, I dreamt that exact day all over again. And I’m not really sure why. What I do know is that I held my Mother a little longer and I danced with her like I’d never dance with her again, because it felt so real.

I don’t share a lot about me or my childhood with anyone. And there is so much that I have buried. In therapy yesterday I was told that in order to heal and move to a more positive place in life, I have to address these things. They happened. I can’t change it but I can’t heal myself holding on to anger, regret, and resentment. So today, I accept the fact that this healing is one that will never end. The pain won’t ever go away and time won’t heal anything. I will always cry. The 26th will always be a sad day. My birthday will never be the same. A lot changed. And I have to change too…

Today I’m accepting that I have to let things from my past go, really make peace with them and release it. I accept that I have to let someone in or I’m going to drown myself in regret and sadness.

Mother and daughter hugging

“Be YOU. And be good at it. Because there is not another YOU in this world.”

— Award Winning Mother of a Lifetime

Oceanside Olivia

The kids haven’t been to the beach nearly as much as I have been this year. A lot has happened (and keeps happening) that pushes me to the beach often just to clear my head.

As I sat here, I watched people come and go. Couples playing volleyball. Owners playing fetch with their dogs. Kids chasing each other into the ocean. Kids building sand castles. Young adults recording tik tok videos and dancing to music. And there was me. The chick organizing her email inbox on her laptop in a cabaña. LOL. (Let’s hope I remember how to fold this crazy thing up smh.)

My kids filled my unused picnic basket with beach toys. What’s their plan? They want to build a city and then record Godzilla destroying it. Then they want to post it on YouTube to see how many likes it gets. Their goal is to be YouTube sensations…that’s so cute. Already striving to be great. I encourage so you know, I put my laptop down to produce this epic Godzilla episode for YouTube lol.

The older lady next to me came over to chat. Oddly enough, we had the same cabaña…and would you know, she wanted to know if I knew how to fold mine up LOL. Ma’am, I am going to struggle but I have YouTube handy if I get stuck. We talk a little more about where we are visiting from, her dog and the makeshift shade chair she created. She was pretty nice. It never fails though that if I come to the beach no matter how “alone” I try to stay, someone breaks my barrier and introduces themselves and let me in on a little secret that they have or a problem they’ve recently encountered. Today, the lady was lonely. It was just her and her dog. She reminded me of myself, so i respectfully (saved my draft of course) closed my laptop to converse with her. She had a nice aura about her so I felt ok.

I raced my son to the water. My daughter, who swims like a fish, is terrified of the ocean water. She splashed me with water without warning and then realized her Mother is truly the biggest kid. She ran back to the cabaña. Then my son and I raced back. I don’t know why these kids think their Mother is inactive lol. Whenever I run they act so surprised. Hello kids, once upon a time your Mother was in the US Army and she had to run. And she played sports…softball, cheerleading, thought I could play football…I’m super fast…ok not super fast but I can hang with the best of them when my asthma allows lol.

We pack up to head home. I see Fur Son on the camera sad and whining. He wants me to cook him chicken and rice and let him roll around pooting in my bedroom.

Outside of paying to having the littlest ones’ screen replaced on his iPhone, we’ve had a really decent day. I got some much needed sun and my beach fix. And the kids got their road trip wish and beach day as promised. This was a reminder that all of my “bad mornings” don’t have to result in a totally bad day. Now we have to decide on dinner…and then get home to Fur Son. Had I known dogs were allowed, I would have brought him on his first beach trip. Getting lost in the ocean is a whole different type of scary so I don’t know if I’m ready for that so soon after his stint in the pen…

Until next time, I’m going to keep being weird in hopes that more people join me lol. Just kidding. I’m a cool ass chick. ✌🏾

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Past Life

Yesterday I took a break. Or I attempted to do so. I left my both phones and my laptop on the nightstand the entire day. I should have worked out but I really have just been in a real lazy type of mood. And I can tell physically because the weight I once lost, is creeping back up on me. I have to do better.

I go and take a stab at trying to organize this walk in closet again. I start with the top shelves this time. I realize I have way too many handbags and totes. This is ridiculous. I grab a trash bag to throw this shit away. Inside of one of the huge bags I find my journals from waaaaaaaaaaayyyy back when. Like high school up until right before I got married. I have narrated my life in journal form since I was about 8 or 9 years old. Then it was to cope with the sea of domestic violence that surrounded me and to give an only child an outlet to express herself. I remember my aunt bought my first diary. A little white patent leather journal with a lock. The leather where the lock use to reside was gone. I remember the day my Mom cut that bitch off to read my diary. She was angry as hell. My thoughts, my diary. Not in her house. That pushed me to write even more. From that point forward, I had to hide my then diary just like the kids do in movies (under my bed, in between books on my bookshelf, in my closet, etc.) I realized that I stopped writing when I got married. And I honestly never go back and read what I write. Until today…

I stared at all the journals debating whether or not to open one just to revisit the past. This could be a good thing or it could trigger a whole lot of bullshit. I sat in my closet floor contemplating what to do. One I remember and I know it’s the last journal I wrote in. I grab it. It was only from about 17 years ago. Here goes nothing…

I do some stupid shit sometimes…nothing compares to my past life though lol. I did a multitude of stupid things and dealt with a lot of stupid people. Life was different then. I think I sat here laughing, singing, crying and questioning myself for about 2 hours. The top shelf of the closet was empty but nothing was organized. Stick a pin in this task, it’s done for the day. There was so much emotion in things that I wrote and then I began to see a pattern.

And maybe that was the purpose of me reading these entries. To see that I create my own unhappiness by the situations I put myself in. And even at 37 I hadn’t quite learned my lesson in this area of my life. Am I going to make a change or keep putting myself through unnecessary pain?

I reach the end of this journal and I find a poem that I wrote. 

"True Love"

Together forever we shall stay,
Letting our love grow stronger, day by day.
Wishes made upon the stars in the sky,
Knowing this love will never die.

Hopes and dreams this love is for real,
Knowing what's going on, knowing how we feel.
Showing our love and showing we care,
No longer playing a silly game of truth or dare.

Being here for one another,
And showing love for only each other.
I'm going to be only your babygirl,
And this is because you have changed my world.

You have put trust in me like no one else will,
You loved me then and you love me still.
I believe in this world everyone has a soulmate,
I also believe we met not only through fate...

But we met because we are meant to be,
And that's what I'm trying to make you see.
You and I must work through this relationship together,
And when we go through the worst, we will make it better.

So from here on out it's just me and you,
And for that I love only you.

The poem didn’t even fit my life then. And I’m not sure who I was addressing. There’s no date and it’s literally at the end of the journal. It’s random. I read it over and over again. In faint ink next to the poem I see “Always Alone”.

I’ve always tried filling this void no matter the cost just because of the pain it causes. And in return, I always end up hurt. I sat and cried to no end. I owe it to myself to stop. I realize in this moment no one can take this pain away or fill this hole I have in my heart. Nobody but me. I have pain, disappointment and abandonment piled on top of anger. This just dusted off a bunch of shit I buried.

It’s time I sit and really deal with it…vacation request entered, calendar blocked, sitter secured, Airbnb booked, suitcase packed, car gassed up. I’m going off grid for a little bit…before I make a decision that I may regret, I need to sit with myself and deal with my entire past life and its issues that is proving to affect my current life.

So stay tuned…