Birthdays are a big deal in our house if you haven’t noticed already, especially for my little ones. My daughter wanted a fun dinner with her favorite people: her family and, of course, her “aunties” (and “uncle”), and cousins – my amazing best friends and their children.
Life can get hectic, and with busy schedules, I wasn’t sure if everyone would be able to make it so last minute. But as luck would have it, my friends rearranged their evenings, juggled pet sitting duties, and braved rush hour traffic to be here.
The moment they walked in, the smiles on my daughter’s face lit up the room. It was pure joy. We feasted on chicken, rice, green beans, mashed potatoes, rolls, salad, cake and ice cream, laughed until our sides hurt, and reminisced about old times. But beyond the birthday fun, what truly touched me was their presence. It’s a beautiful thing to have friends who show up for you, not just for the big milestones, but for the everyday moments too.
Seeing my daughter surrounded by these incredible people who love and support her – that’s the kind of birthday memory that will stay with her forever. And for that, I’m eternally grateful. 🫶🏾
Friendship is a beautiful and essential part of our lives. It’s the laughter, the shared secrets, and the support that makes life’s journey a little more manageable. I’ve always valued my friendships but even more in recent years. In every group of friends, there’s often that one person who takes the initiative to coordinate get-togethers, outings, and memorable experiences. They are the glue that keeps the social circle intact, but what happens when nobody seems to reciprocate the effort?
In my old group of friends it was I, the mastermind friend behind the memorable gatherings. I was that one person who seemed to naturally take on the role of the “memory coordinator”. I was the go-to person for planning parties, outings, and even just casual hangouts. I would invest time and effort in ensuring that everyone’s schedules aligned, creating opportunities for everyone to bond, have fun and make memories.
Being the memory coordinator certainly had its benefits. I got the satisfaction of seeing my friends come together, reconnecting, and sharing joyous moments. It was rewarding to know that I played a pivotal role in making these memories possible. However, there was also a downside to this grand role.
The sad truth is that the friend who takes on the role of memory coordinator often finds themselves in a precarious situation. I was so busy orchestrating holiday events and birthday gatherings that I neglected the big fact that if I didn’t perform in my role that I would not see my friends. This ultimately lead to feelings of loneliness and frustration.
The emotional toll of being the lonely memory coordinator was significant. It was disheartening to put in so much effort only to find that my friends were not as proactive when it came to including me in any friend gathering plans as a group or individually. Over time, feelings of resentment and isolation grew deep, and it lead to a sense of being the unappreciated friend.
Because my friends are my family I chose to address the situation. I began by intimately sharing my feelings with my friends individually. When nothing changed, I stop overextending myself and waited to see if someone else would put forth effort. In the interim, I began to focus on self-care and spending time alone doing things that brought me joy. I even considered expanding my social circle and connecting with others but realized that I had invested a lot of time in my group of friends and I did not want to open myself up to be let down again by friendly individuals. Am I wrong for treating my friendship like any other relationship?
I learned to nurture my own need for friendship by practicing self-care to alleviate the feeling of being lonely. True friendships are built on mutual effort, and my friends should be willing to make time for me, just as I have done for them. Until then, I’ll vacation quietly and celebrate silently.
Friendship is trust, care, sharing, responsibility, loyalty, understanding and support.
A friend is someone who understands your past,
doesn't judge you,
believe in your future,
supports and accepts you today the way you are...
Enjoy every moment with friends.
Today's beautiful moments are tomorrow's beautiful memories.
I have had some good ones and I have had some shitty ones.
Regardless of the outcome, I appreciate them all because they are serving or have served their purpose.
What a better way to start the weekend! Spend some time with your dearest friend(s).
This is an interesting topic that came up yesterday with one of my guy best friends. We have experienced some of life’s greatest and terrible moments together. He’s a thorn in my side at times but I appreciate our friendship as he’s always able to give me the male perspective on any situation and just be genuinely his crazy self.
Yesterday he hit me with some numbers lol. According to studies, 90% of friends who become intimate are not able to function as friends.
Backstory: We were friends all through high school. I spent time at his house with his family as a friend. We messed around as adults well after high school. We decided we were better off friends. So we never had sex again and just remained friends.
This took me by surprise. Like why is he even bringing this up. Is he about to make this awkward? We’ve been friends for almost 20 years…please don’t do this man. My friend count is low because people just aren’t real anymore.
He then asks, how is it that we don’t fall into that category? I replied saying we’re in the 10% that are able to mature and have a friendship outside of sex. And ultimately we respect each other.
I’m sure to people we dated and married, our relationship was weird. When he’s dating, we don’t talk often. It is almost always a problem when a woman finds out that he slept with his best friend and we are still friends. I’m as chill as they come. So I welcome all his lady friends and warn them that he’s crazy as a joke. I listen to his problems. I give him advice sometimes. But to avoid conflict in his relationships with women who are obviously insecure and not confident, we would rarely speak. He’s been married 3 times (I hope he’s done this time) and I’ve been married once. My ex-husband was not cool with the idea of me being friends with someone I slept with but I explained to him either you trust me or you don’t.
I think with all friendships, sexual or non sexual we have to have a certain level of trust. He and I have that. As friends we trust each other with secrets. Things that have happened in our relationships and personal lives. Problems at work or issues with our kids. We are truly friends with no romantic feelings. We can hang together, eat, watch movies and it is not awkward or weird. We are sort of like siblings but that makes it sound very nasty so scratch that lol.
The conversation was interesting. As we never really sat down and talked about how awkward it was that we slept together, figured out that that type of relationship was not for us and then just never spoke of it again.
I care about him as a friend. And I am always genuinely happy for him. I’m glad that he has finally found a really good woman that he loves and she loves him. I’m always supportive of him even if he doesn’t help me put things together like he says. I wouldn’t trade our relationship as he’s been a ride or die for me for so long and I him. It was funny that the topic came up but as quickly as it began, it ended as we began to talk about the kids.
We say I love you because we do love each other. In the same aspect of loving family. He tells anyone he’s like my Big Brother. If I cry, he’s coming. He wants to meet guys I date now because he apparently knows all men intentions and he doesn’t want me hurt. He listened to the nonsense from my 15 year marriage and he wiped some tears and sat on the beach with me when I was sad. Things that I couldn’t even get my girl friends to do. He’s been in my corner through a lot and I appreciate him.
Is there a friend that you have that you’ve had sex with, been in love with and you’re still friends? Is it awkward? Does it affect your outside relationships at all? I’m curious so please share…
In My Unapologetic Life... 