#mentalhealth – In My Unapologetic Life…

Selective Social Circles: Because People Can Be a Real Drag (And Phone Zombies)

Let’s face it, people can be very exhausting. It’s like they’re constantly sucking the life out of others. But it’s not just the negative vibes; it’s also the constant phone scrolling and social media addiction. I’ve reached a point where I’ve decided to be highly selective about who I spend my time with.

I’m not saying I’m antisocial, but I’m definitely pro-social. I love hanging out with others who lift up people, inspire others, and enjoy laughing. But those energy vampires and phone zombies? No thanks. There no interest in being drained by negativity, drama, or someone’s constant need for attention.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to say no as well as let others exit your life. It’s okay to prioritize personal well-being. After all, no one is a human battery charger. We all need to recharge too. So, to be part of my circle, here’s what I request:

Be positive: No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer. Let’s keep the vibes positive, please. Life can already be a drag at times.
Be respectful: Treat others with kindness and consideration. No drama, no judging others, no gossip, just good vibes.
Be interesting: Have something to say, something to offer. Don’t just sit there and expect me to entertain you.
Put the phone down: I get it, social media is addictive. But when we’re together, let’s actually be together. If we aren’t capturing photos for memories, let’s leave the phones be.
Don’t be a energy vampire: If you’re constantly complaining, whining, or seeking validation, please take your negativity elsewhere. Complaining and doing nothing about the issue is so annoying.

If these simple requirements can be met, then you might just make the cut. But if not, well, I’m sorry, but you’re just going to have to settle for being an afterthought. Because my mental health is more important than anyone’s feelings (and phone).

Short Story: You’re Appreciated More Than You Know

Once upon a time in a small town, there lived a woman named Rachel. Rachel was a creative, smart and hardworking individual who always put her heart and soul into everything she did. She worked as a teacher in the local elementary school and was passionate about nurturing young minds. However, despite her best efforts, it often felt like nothing she did was good enough.

Every day, Rachel arrived at the school early, prepared engaging lessons, and poured her energy into creating a positive and inspiring learning environment for her little scholars. She stayed late grading papers, and making sure each child received personalized feedback. But no matter how much effort she put in, it seemed that her dedication and love for teaching went unnoticed.

Rachel’s colleagues, on the other hand, always seemed to receive praise and recognition. Her friend, Stephanie, who taught in the classroom next door, would frequently receive accolades from parents and administrators. It was as if Rachel’s efforts were constantly overshadowed by others, leaving her feeling unappreciated and undervalued.

As months turned into years, Rachel’s sense of frustration and self-doubt grew. She started questioning her own abilities and whether she was cut out to be a teacher. The feeling of inadequacy weighed heavy on her shoulders, and it began to affect her enthusiasm for her work. Her once-vibrant classroom now seemed dull, and the spark in her eyes had dimmed.

One evening, as Rachel sat alone in her classroom, she received an unexpected note from one of her former students. The heartfelt message expressed gratitude for all she had taught and how much of an impact she had made. It was a reminder that even though her efforts might go unnoticed by some, they were not in vain. Rachel realized that her work had touched the lives of many students, even if she didn’t always receive immediate recognition.

With newfound determination, Rachel decided to focus on the passion that had initially drawn her to teaching. She remembered the joy of seeing her students learn and grow, and she chose to persevere, not for the accolades, but for the children she cared for deeply.

Over time, Rachel’s dedication and commitment became evident to those who truly mattered—her students. They began to appreciate the hard work she put into their education, and their success became her greatest reward. Rachel learned that her value as a teacher could not be measured solely by external recognition but by the impact she had on the young lives she touched.

In the end, Rachel found solace in the knowledge that, though it might sometimes feel like nothing she did was good enough, her true worth was measured by the hearts she had nurtured and the lives she had influenced. And that, to her, was more precious than any accolade.

Post Enucleation Thoughts

The day started early and was full of anxiety. Time had flown by and it was surgery day already. I wanted to treat today like a work meeting during one of my endometriosis flare ups. I could join surgery from my bed with my camera off or reschedule it all together. The twinge of pain in my abdomen quickly reminded me why I needed to have this surgery. It is something that I have avoided in order to take care of everyone and everything else until the pain and problems began to cause a decline in my quality of life.

These procedures were both emotionally and physically taxing. Throw in some pain medication and I have declared myself temporarily decrepit. Women truly face unique challenges within the healthcare system, enduring inadequate care, dismissive attitudes and gender biases. I feel that it is imperative to shed light on this unsettling reality and advocate for the betterment of all women’s health.

It is very unfortunate that women are frequently faced with dismissive attitudes from healthcare professionals (medical providers, nurses, lab and ultrasound technicians, etc.) when it comes to our concerns. Many women have experienced a lack of empathy or belief from medical staff, leading to delayed diagnoses, untreated conditions, and unnecessary suffering. Our health concerns should never be undermined or trivialized, as women experiences and symptoms are valid and deserving of the utmost attention.

Women’s pain is often underestimated and incorrectly documented leading to inadequate pain management. Moreover, some medical conditions predominantly affecting women, such as endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), have historically received disproportionately less attention and research funding compared to other illnesses. This disparity perpetuates the neglect of women’s health concerns.

While reproductive health is an integral part of our overall well-being, it is often treated as an afterthought. Access to reproductive healthcare, including safe and legal abortions, contraception, and fertility treatments, is a fundamental right! However, we frequently face barriers such as limited access, affordability issues, and judgments based on personal beliefs or societal taboos. These obstacles prevent women from making well-informed decisions about their bodies, reproductive health, and planned parenthood. In addition to reproductive health, women of color specifically face racial disparities and a lack of trust in their concerns during pregnancy and childbirth. These inequalities further emphasize the urgent need for comprehensive and unbiased women’s healthcare.

Conditions like anxiety, postpartum depression, and PTSD are brushed off or dismissed as hormonal changes or exaggerated emotions. This lack of understanding and empathy perpetuates the underdiagnosis, under treatment, and unnecessary suffering of women dealing with health struggles. Addressing these issues is vital to ensure that we receive the care and support we deserve. By promoting gender equality, raising awareness, and empowering women to advocate for themselves, we can work toward creating a healthcare system that prioritizes women’s health, respect, and dignity. It is high time we write a new narrative – one that ensures equal treatment for all within the healthcare realm all over the World.

Grieving Today…I lost my best friend

PTSD Awareness Day…the mind replays what the heart can’t delete…support those you love who are suffering…it means more than you will ever know.

Corners

The Darkness

And at some point,
Everything needs to be left alone
even your past, even your pain
á

I’m awaken at 2am by my cell. It can only be one of two people calling and before I lift my phone, I already know which one it is… “Hello, sorry to wake you, this is Lisa, Nurse from…” 🤦🏾‍♀️ My heart sinks into my chest a little further as I listen, sleepily but awake. I hang up, let my phone slide out of my hand and I close my eyes to pray. This is routine. And I hate it. I hate these phone calls. I hate getting these phone calls and being alone. After I pray, my thoughts wander into those dark corners of my mind.

I try to wake up everyday thankful for the ability to see another day regardless of how I think and feel the day is going to go. This is like a ritual for me… No matter how fucked up my life is, I try to be thankful anyways for the good things…my kids and one more day above ground with them.

Lately I’ve felt like utter shit. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I’ve lost 30lbs, I can’t eat or sleep and I feel like I’m bothering everyone around me so I crawl into my shell to protect me from everything and everyone. Daily I crawl out of bed, walk upstairs to work, crawl back in bed when I’m done. Rinse, spin, repeat. I can’t pinpoint exactly what has me in such a dark place but I think it’s a combination of all my life stress, feeling alone and the holidays. I feel like shit…

I had never been one to contemplate suicide. I lost close family and friends to suicide and I’ve always wondered why they felt compelled to take their own life. Until the day I felt the urge to do the same. I tried to end it all. I chased hydrocodones with liquor and I smoked. I put on the cutest outfit and I laid on my bed. My kids weren’t home and I was more alone than ever. Not one text, not one phone call. Everyone was busy enjoying family and the company of others and I was just here. Why? Why should I continue to want to be here? For my kids? They have more than one parent and for some reason everyone seems to think I’m the better suited parent while their Father floats in and out of their life when it’s convenient for him. I’m tired. No one knows my pain. No one knows the shit I’ve been through in life. No one understands why I try my hardest to make everyone else smile.

I felt myself drifting away and so I cried silently. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted it to all be over, so that I was completely alone and away from everyone and everything. I’ll never be loved, I will never truly be happy, everyday presents a new problem for me and I’m just here unhappy and occupying space. No father, essentially no mother…just me.

The music woke me up. Surely this wasn’t the elevator music on the way to Hell…I rolled over and cried at my failed attempt. And I cried until my face hurt and I could no longer breathe out of my nose. I yelled in my pillow. And then I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. I’m a real fucked up individual…and I’m tired. There is so much hurt and pain inside me and I just want it to go away…

I don’t think I left the bed at all. And the bed has been my safe space. Even though I’m alone, I can bury myself in here. I can cry, kick and scream. I never wanted to be “that girl” and I said I’d never be that girl but here I am. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Depression is lonely and frustrating and mostly just fucking exhausting.
Midnight Thoughts