#selfcare – In My Unapologetic Life…

Why I’m Never Accepting Your Holiday Invite: A Dramatic Manifesto

Ah, the holiday season—a magical time of twinkling lights, unsolicited Mariah Carey & Boys II Men vocals, and the inevitable invitation to “spend the holiday with us.” Every year, like clockwork, someone kindly extends this olive branch, imagining themselves the hero of my holiday season, rescuing me from the presumed despair of not having a family table to sit at. Bless their hearts, truly. But let me just say this, once and for all: No. I’m not coming over. Ever.

Yes, I know I sound dramatic. It’s part of my charm. But let’s unpack this together, shall we?

Fill-In Family Member Energy

If you’ve never lost your parents, you might not get it. That’s okay! You still have your “point of origin,” your anchor, your home base. But when your parents are gone, every “you’re welcome to join us” feels like being cast in a made-for-TV holiday movie where you’re the quirky outsider sitting awkwardly at the edge of someone else’s traditions. It’s not that your hospitality isn’t appreciated—it’s that it’s too much. Your perfectly normal holiday cheer comes with an unspoken subtext of pity that, while well-intentioned, rubs my grief raw.

And look, I could plaster on a smile and pretend I’m not deeply uncomfortable, but why? The holiday isn’t about proving how adaptable I am to your family dynamics. It’s about surviving with my sanity intact.

My Holiday Plans: Bed Rotting & Thriving

Here’s the truth: I’ve found a routine that works for me, and it involves a whole lot of not participating on the actual holiday. You’ll find me in bed, wrapped in blankets, letting the day wash over me like a passive observer of life. Think of it as my mental health cocoon. I’m not sad; I’m just recharging. Maybe I’m rewatching my favorite comfort show. Maybe I’m napping. Maybe I’m eating something that requires zero prep work. Whatever I’m doing, I’m doing it with zero societal expectations.

This little rebellion of mine isn’t just laziness or avoidance. It’s self-preservation. It’s my way of flipping grief the bird and saying, “You don’t own me today.” So, while the world decks the halls and roasts the chestnuts, I’m out here practicing radical self-care.

But Wait, I Do Like You!

Don’t get it twisted—I genuinely like spending time with the people I care about. I’ll gladly hang out with you the week before the holiday, laugh over drinks, exchange small gifts, and even share a sentimental moment or two. But on the actual day? I’m off-duty. That’s my boundary, and it keeps me feeling grounded.

Call Me Dramatic, I Don’t Care

I know this sounds over the top to some. That’s fine. Feel free to roll your eyes while I sip my ayahuasca from the fortress of my comforter. The beauty of adulthood and being parentless is that no one can tell me how to feel or what to do. I’ve lost enough to know what’s important to me—and forced holiday cheer isn’t it.

So, thank you for the invite, but no thanks. I’m not a holiday charity case, and I’m definitely not giving up my self-care sanctuary. Trust me, it’s better this way. Enjoy your day, and I’ll see you on the other side of it—well-rested, emotionally stable, and utterly unbothered.

Yours,
The Unapologetic Holiday Recluse

After This, We Die

In the grand tapestry of existence, there’s one undeniable truth we all face: after this life, we die. This reality can either weigh us down with fear or, conversely, set us free to live our lives authentically. Imagine waking up each day with a renewed sense of purpose, liberated from the heavy chains of others’ opinions. It’s time to embrace our lives fully, to enjoy every moment, and to create boundaries that protect our peace.

Impermanence can be such a gift. The awareness of our mortality can be a powerful catalyst for change. When we truly understand that our time is finite, it shifts our perspective. Why spend precious moments worrying about what others think of us? Instead, let’s focus on living in a way that feels true to who we are. Each day is a blank canvas—let’s fill it with vibrant colors that reflect our passions, dreams, and desires.

Living honestly means shedding the masks we often wear to please others. It means being brave enough to express our true selves, even if it invites criticism or judgment. When we live authentically, we cultivate a life rich in meaning and fulfillment. It’s about choosing authenticity over approval, creating a life that resonates with our innermost values.

There is power in boundaries. To maintain this newfound freedom, we must establish boundaries. These are not walls to shut others out, but rather protective barriers that preserve our mental and emotional well-being. Setting boundaries means prioritizing our peace over the expectations of others. It’s about saying “no” to things that drain us and “yes” to opportunities that nurture our souls.

Think about the relationships in your life: are they uplifting or depleting? Are there situations that cause unnecessary stress? Identifying and addressing these aspects can lead to a more balanced and joyful existence. It’s okay to step back from relationships that don’t serve our highest good. In doing so, we create space for connections that inspire and energize us.

Life is too short to dwell on worries and unhappiness. Instead, let’s focus on finding joy in the present moment. Engage in activities that spark joy—whether it’s pursuing a hobby, spending time with loved ones, or simply enjoying a quiet moment in nature. Celebrate the little things; these are the threads that weave a rich and fulfilling life.

Living authentically also means embracing vulnerability. It’s about sharing our stories, our struggles, and our triumphs without fear of judgment. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we foster deeper connections with others. We invite authenticity into our relationships, creating an environment where everyone feels safe to be themselves.

As we navigate this journey, remember that the only validation we need comes from within. The opinions of others are fleeting, but our choices and experiences shape our legacy. Let’s strive to live a life we can look back on with pride, knowing we honored our true selves and made the most of every moment.

In the end, we only have this one life. Let’s fill it with authenticity, joy, and meaningful connections. Embrace who you are, set your boundaries, and cherish the time you have. After all, it’s not about the years in our life, but the life in our years. So, go ahead—live boldly, love fiercely, and enjoy the beautiful journey that is uniquely yours.

SunDate: Kitty Hawk

Attempting to resume normal activities, I awoke early this morning with the idea to go on a SunDate. WheneverI have to travel, my first thought is Simba…how long will I be gone?…who can check on him?…should I take him? Can I take him?

The last question has always ended up as a “No”. Today I opted to bring him along. He was so excited yesterday when I told him he’d go on a road trip and then I left him…

I know…bad pet Mom…breaking promises…

Well yesterday I was close to the mountains so today I opted for the latter…and made my way to the beach…

Before making the decision to bring Simba, I was going to bring canvas and paint markers to finish a piece and start another…bringing him meant he’d need all my attention since this was his first car ride this long and to the beach.

Was I really going to do this? Sundays are for self care lol. Fuck it…come on S. Leon, let’s go.

He watched me pack up the car and lock up the house before hopping in the backseat and sitting quietly as if I’d forget his 88lb ass was sitting behind me lol

We started with a quick stop to get some treats and a small bag of dog food. Then gassed up, got some breakfast and got on the road.

An hour into the ride, I couldn’t breathe. Small disclaimer…somewhere along owning Simba, I developed an allergy of some sort. But I can’t bring myself to get rid of my him. I’ve rearranged where he sleeps and all just so I can keep him. It’s not official but he is definitely my emotional support pup. I’m ever so grateful he cannot talk…he knows all of my business…I tell him everything. Poor pup, he probably needs therapy.

Well we made our way to Kitty Hawk. I’d never been to the beach here and he’d never been to the beach period so I figured it would be special to share a first with him.

Traveling to the beach was easy, he put his head out the window and took a nap or five until we made it. Once he got out of the car he stretched, smiled and jumped on me for a hug then we were ready to get our feet in the sand. The beach wasn’t too populated today so finding a nice spot was effortless. I set up our area and he just took in the change in scenery for a while. Everything was going great until a group of people came and set up camp right next to us with a puppy.

Simba is also quiet antisocial. He doesn’t really have dog friends other than Shortbread. He’s just like his Mom lol.

The puppy caused such chaos. I wanted to pack up and leave but I took the opportunity to show Simba he can coexist with other people and animals away from home. To get him to calm down, I had to pat his butt and repeat “sit” until he sat down, and then I had to rub his big body until he stopped shaking. This was going to be a long day…but we got this.

After about 3 more of those episodes where he almost took down our cabana, walked all over me and even once jumped in my lap, we were able to lay in the sun and just chill. The introduction to the ocean would come before we left.

Overall he did well on his first beach trip. Enjoying chicken meatballs and water, playing with his rope and putting sand all over me.

We managed to almost make it off the beach without being approached by any strangers!!! I was impressed. I began to think I need to bring Simba out more often, he’s my people shield lol.

He slept most of the way home before sticking his entire head out of the window to do real boy dog shit. We ended our adventurous day at Sonic Drive-Thru where we learned they to have pup cups!

This guy had the day of his life and it’s not even his birthday yet lol. I too enjoyed my crazy fur son and our QT. I can’t speak dog but I hope he knows I love and adore him and was glad to have him tag along on my SunDate.

SunDate

It’s self-care Sunday.

I was kid free and refused to be bored. Usually I’d huff and puff about driving but legit, where the fuck do I go for real. So I got a little cute and hopped in the car headed to brunch for one at a vegan spot recommended by my cousin.

As I drove I remember the weekends that I was out and about early…just to enjoy the day. Ok, maybe not just to enjoy the day but to run away from the house because I didn’t have to work but same thing, same thing. I rolled my windows down, turned the radio up and I cruised the speed limit because I had time to kill and no real place to be.

The drive started to get a little rough the hungrier I got lol. I finally made it downtown and realized I had to park on the side of the street. And then walk a block or so to the restaurant. I was slightly buzzed for aesthetics and had on comfy shoes so I didn’t stress it much.

I “eek’d” inside when I saw they had outdoor seating. I obviously didn’t do my homework like I normally do for restaurant sampling. I didn’t look at any reviews. I just took my cousin’s word for it bc “foodies”…they be knowing and we are never off lol. And I was hungry lol.

I was seated immediately. And even though I’ve viewed the menu briefly on the walk over, I still don’t know what I want. I settled on my drink, ordered a sangria and began to people watch. I wish I had wore my sunglasses because it’s awkward people watching with my regular glasses. Yea I’m one of those, call me weird. I look around and there are some couples (awe cute) and some girlfriends brunching. I’m the only solo shorty. I started to miss my Baby Love…Time I think. Something we don’t have enough of and when we get it, it goes so fast and we do so little of nothing.

Element Gatropub’s Chick’n and Waffles with Tofu Scramble & Peach Sangria

**Deep sigh** I eat, I get depressed, orange gets stuck in my straw and I can’t finish my sangria. I turn up the glass, I pay and leave. My mind takes seat on a rollercoaster. I couldn’t keep up even if I was taking notes.

My Mind: Go get my eyebrows threaded. It’s past due, I’m close by and I really only like them doing my brows. Oh wait, Cinnaholic…remember you wanted one so bad but when you finally got it, one wasn’t enough? Ooooh call Best Friend so you can go and play with the baby. Babies make everything better. What about ice cream at the park? It’s hot outside. I don’t want to sweat. I was bold wearing white today like I don’t always drop something on my clothes when I eat. But I made it thus far.

I know I changed the GPS like 3 times.

My Mind: Go get cinnamon roll first because, dessert. No get brows done first they close the soonest. It’s ok get cinnamon roll first because I have the munchies. We can get eyebrows done later. Later when? We are not coming back this way anytime soon. Shit ok, let’s go. Which one first again?

Well Cinnaholic won. I made it over there. Created a sweet roll of diabetes and barely made it back to the car before licking the icing off the cardboard container interior top. (Wanted to be very clear for all the technical people who would cringe thinking I licked the exterior side of the container) Ate some before I backed out and promised myself I’d stop eating it until I got to the eyebrow spot. I drive across town to the eyebrow spot trying not to crash while eating this cinnamon roll with cake batter icing, pecans, chocolate chip cookie dough and caramel sauce. I pull up only to find a handwritten note on the door saying they had closed early. Ugh. I back up and head on home.

Cinnaholic: CYO-Cake Batter icing, with Pecans, Chocolate Chip cookie dough and Caramel sauce

My Mind: Fuzzy brows it is…oh well. You should of came here first instead of going to Cinnaholic. I miss my Baby Love. This drive is too long. I hate people. I hate driving but not as much as I hate not being able to GO. I should of gotten another cinnamon roll. I’m going to be bored when I get home. I’m going to change my spark plugs myself because YouTube University will show me. *instantly ill* Take this bra off. We can’t breathe and no one is going to see us. Thank you! *relief but still ill* I’m going in the house and get in the bed. I hate it here. I don’t want to have to pay a mechanic because I fucked up my car. What is today again? How did we get here? The day was promising right? No? Ok. Turn the TV on. Omg noise, turn it off. Turn on some light, it’s too bright in here. Turn off light. Turn on TV, mute the TV. Snuggle under the covers. It’s cold under here. There’s never any dick in this house. *I’m angry*

In an effort to shut off my mind I ball myself up real tight (so I don’t get the urge to pee) and go to sleep. This was the worse date I’ve taken myself on in a while. The food was a 10/10. My mood was just a -10/10 and that ruined the entire remainder of date.

Let’s try again next Sunday shall we?

Self-Care Sunday: Unplug

As an IT professional, I appreciate this self-care check.

To reset almost anything in life we unplug it from its power source for a few minutes, turn it off and then back on again or restart it. We aren’t any different.

Take a moment if possible today and unplug. Go into nature or sit in silence. Just be present in the moment.

Enjoy your Sunday!