Author: ~California Dreamer~

Just an average silly, nerdy chick. That's weird in probably a million different ways, sharing my sometimes fucked up life with you. Showing others that they should enjoy life, because there's always someone in a worse situation.

Jaxon Strikes Again…

I dog sat the cutest puppy aside from my very own yesterday. I think this slightly filled my void of wanting a baby and/or another dog 🤣

Meet Shortbread…her name suits her perfectly!

We have given her the nickname SB for short because my mouth just doesn’t work right all the time. She and my big 4 year old “baby” lab Simba have gotten along great. I think he’s just happy to have a canine companion. Getting another dog is now definitely on the list. The baby…let’s put a pin in that one. 😬

I forgot how often you’re up with puppies when they are this small. But being a chronic insomniac it didn’t really put a bend in my sleep or rest schedule at all. I did however fall asleep before putting out Jaxon for the kids…

I woke up scrambling trying to think of something to do. I couldn’t leave my room because the kids were up and they’d see me with him. Smh. This is why I have to stay on schedule in December.

I had to think fast so I grabbed one of the dry erase markers from the top of my closet. I picked up one of the kids pictures on the nightstand and I drew on their faces. They will be floored to see Jaxon has drawn mustaches, beards and elf hats on their picture. I sat him between the plant and picture frame with the marker.

Who will be the first to find him?

Jaxon up to no good

He’s Back!!!

Aside from my children’s sperm donor appearing on my front porch unannounced, yelling and demanding I provide him with his mail, I’m awake and happy to situate Jaxon for the kids to see in the morning.

Just chilling after being released from my bra drawer 🤣🤣🤣

I have to find a little joy in Christmas for them and not ruin it by crying because I’m sad.

Spidey welcome back for my son

Today pushed me even more than before to locate a home to relocate to…I’m so tired of dealing with the bullshit and I’m not referring to playing with Jaxon…

Stay tuned for Jaxon’s shenanigans over the next few weeks…

Month 8

There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start. -Shel Silverstein

It’s been 34 weeks, 243 days, 5840 hours, and 350400 minutes. My brother visited the cemetery today for the first time since the service. I wasn’t able to physically make it (because he got up super early and left me) but he FaceTime me and I was able to be with him indirectly and in spirit.

This is the first month that he’s been home around this time and it was helpful to have him to lean on as well as provide him with support too. Being away from home and trying to get through this has been really hard for him.

I tried to lift my spirits by decorating because Christmas (and birthdays) were our thing. We competed to see who would have the best decorated house. Not leaving a room undecorated for the holiday. Not sure what it is about Christmas but it made us feel happy.

This month has had its ups and downs. But i’ve tried to find the positive in everything. I don’t miss you any less. If anything I miss you more. Wishing that I was preparing a Thanksgiving plate for you to critique, falling asleep on your couch as you played with the kids before falling asleep yourself. You’re missed at all times and I hope you know it.

I’m still pushing forward because I can always hear you saying live your life because you only have this one. I miss you Mom and I hope even through the snot and tears that I am making you proud. It’s not easy and I know you hate for us to cry or get the least bit emotional over you, but you were truly my best friend. And life is a little hard to navigate without you. One day it will get easier but I definitely will never get to a place where I won’t think about you and cry. The next two months will be trying – Christmas and then your Birthday but I got this right? I know I probably don’t but I’m going to try.

Happy Thanksgiving

Drawing courtesy of my talented daughter

I made myself head into the kitchen to begin cooking. I think to myself, this year is at least better than last year. Last year I spent the day before, day of and day after Thanksgiving alone. I think I mostly laid around crying. My head hurt majority of the day. I was dog sitting for my best friend and just in a real fucked up mood. I was alone, me and my very best friend was going through one of those moments and I just wanted things to be normal.

I’m starting to think that last year was just a dry run for what was to come this year. The only difference is that at least this year I had my babies at home. I managed to get in the spirit for a little bit before all the thoughts flooded my mind and I just began to overthink and then cry. I legit just wanted to get in bed and go to sleep until the new year at least.

Although it was extremely hard at one point in the day, I made it. And hopefully next year will be a little easier. I’m trying to learn how to navigate these holidays and special events by trial and error. The only things that really got me through were the kids, my seester, my bestie, my silly brother and being able to talk to my Baby Love.

As I prepare for slumber, I hope everyone had a day filled with gratitude and love. That is really what the day is all about.

Blackout Wednesday

Please Drink Responsibly

Often referred as Drinksgiving…this day takes place the night before Thanksgiving Day. While many people are at home cooking and preparing the bird for the big day, others are partaking in the biggest drinking and party night of the year.

College students are home on break and reuniting with friends that they haven’t seen in a while at bars and clubs. Most bars are aware of the “quirky holiday” and have drink specials to celebrate the occasion.

A sad repercussion of the day is that a lot of think binge drinking and celebrating results in drinking and driving. This in turn produces accidents and fatalities. If you or someone you love is planning to celebrate this day, please encourage them to drink responsibly, use a ride share/Uber/Lyft service or have a designated driver. It a wonderful thing to reunite with friends, but be safe so that the day can be enjoyed again next year.