At Your Own Pace

A lot of times people feel compelled to “keep up with the Jones’s” or to “keep up appearances” instead of living in their truth. I’m here to tell you, that dream house, car, job and relationship will all be there when you are ready and when it is your time.

Don’t create unnecessary stress in your life by trying to keep up with others. Most of the time, those same people who appear to have it all together are not living in their truth and struggling in the shadows.

Nowadays people’s perception of life and living comes solely from what they see on social media. But always remember that all that glitters ain’t gold.

Do you and do it at your own pace. Don’t worry about what others may think because what you eat, doesn’t make anyone else shit! Create your own happiness however you see fit. And leave all the other bullshit behind.

I’m human just like everyone else. I’ve had people that I thought were true friends shit on me because of a competition that they created in their mind. I’ve tried to build with people I thought were true only to be stabbed in the back and to have the rug pulled from under me. I’ve had so called friends sit and talk about me and what I have or the lack thereof. Sometimes those same people would turn around and mimic those very situations they felt the urge to speak on or attempt to purchase or do those very same things that I had that was “dumb, unnecessary or a waste of money” followed by an unrequested excuse as to why it’s a good idea now that they have it or did it.

I got married early. I had kids late. I didn’t take the traditional route of college. I had good credit, I’ve had bad credit. I’ve had a lot and I’ve lost a lot. I bought my own home in my 30s without the help of anyone. I found myself and loved me and my children enough to divorce in my 30s. I buried both my parents and I disowned family and friends due to mistreatment, deception, and disloyalty. I’m not perfect by any means but I’d say I’m a pretty solid chick and I will continue to be such by living life and doing things when and how I want. Not worrying about who else is doing it, who is watching and the thoughts of others.

We are all here on borrowed time. The worse thing anyone can do is to get in a rat race with anyone who isn’t destined to even meet you or beat you to the finish line. Chart your own path and be happy with the outcome.

Practice Gratitude Daily

Each morning before your feet hit the floor, before you grab your cell…give gratitude something(s) in your life that bring you joy. It doesn’t matter how big or small these things are.

Today I’m grateful for my children’s humble spirit, the ocean; as it calms me, and the invention of these devices that keeps us connected. All of these things get me through day to day.

I hope each and every person my post touches has an abundantly blessed day!

Month 8

There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start. -Shel Silverstein

It’s been 34 weeks, 243 days, 5840 hours, and 350400 minutes. My brother visited the cemetery today for the first time since the service. I wasn’t able to physically make it (because he got up super early and left me) but he FaceTime me and I was able to be with him indirectly and in spirit.

This is the first month that he’s been home around this time and it was helpful to have him to lean on as well as provide him with support too. Being away from home and trying to get through this has been really hard for him.

I tried to lift my spirits by decorating because Christmas (and birthdays) were our thing. We competed to see who would have the best decorated house. Not leaving a room undecorated for the holiday. Not sure what it is about Christmas but it made us feel happy.

This month has had its ups and downs. But i’ve tried to find the positive in everything. I don’t miss you any less. If anything I miss you more. Wishing that I was preparing a Thanksgiving plate for you to critique, falling asleep on your couch as you played with the kids before falling asleep yourself. You’re missed at all times and I hope you know it.

I’m still pushing forward because I can always hear you saying live your life because you only have this one. I miss you Mom and I hope even through the snot and tears that I am making you proud. It’s not easy and I know you hate for us to cry or get the least bit emotional over you, but you were truly my best friend. And life is a little hard to navigate without you. One day it will get easier but I definitely will never get to a place where I won’t think about you and cry. The next two months will be trying – Christmas and then your Birthday but I got this right? I know I probably don’t but I’m going to try.

Happy Thanksgiving

Drawing courtesy of my talented daughter

I made myself head into the kitchen to begin cooking. I think to myself, this year is at least better than last year. Last year I spent the day before, day of and day after Thanksgiving alone. I think I mostly laid around crying. My head hurt majority of the day. I was dog sitting for my best friend and just in a real fucked up mood. I was alone, me and my very best friend was going through one of those moments and I just wanted things to be normal.

I’m starting to think that last year was just a dry run for what was to come this year. The only difference is that at least this year I had my babies at home. I managed to get in the spirit for a little bit before all the thoughts flooded my mind and I just began to overthink and then cry. I legit just wanted to get in bed and go to sleep until the new year at least.

Although it was extremely hard at one point in the day, I made it. And hopefully next year will be a little easier. I’m trying to learn how to navigate these holidays and special events by trial and error. The only things that really got me through were the kids, my seester, my bestie, my silly brother and being able to talk to my Baby Love.

As I prepare for slumber, I hope everyone had a day filled with gratitude and love. That is really what the day is all about.