Tag: #life
Shine Bright!
Productivity
Working from home was not something that I wanted to do in the past. As a salaried employee, you know we generally put in more than 40 hours a week and there were a lot of times, I stayed late in the office to finish a report, presentation or audit. Work wasn’t pleasant… I wanted to keep home and work separate. No working in my “place of peace”. When I’m bored or want to avoid a situation, I will throw myself completely into work. It just gives me somewhere else to put my thoughts momentarily. I didn’t want to turn into a work hobbit at home.
So…I’ve been in my current position for…2 years. Not long at all. I’ve been remote for the biggest of my time that I’ve been employed. At first I was all about it with the scare of the pandemic, my kid having to go to school virtually, daycare closed…it was a mess.
My hobby room now turned into an office/hobby room. I make my own schedule, I’m not micro-managed, I don’t have to wear clothes and sometimes I don’t have to leave the bed. I can build naps into my day, run errands, take care of household chores, make appointments and work from anywhere in the world as long as I have internet. The biggest positive for me was the time that I was able to spend with my children. I had spent the last 6 years traveling for work and putting in long hours. I planned to make the best of it. I always say, everything happens for a reason.
Before the new variants came on the scene, our CEO was polling the staff about reopening the office. About 50% were ready to go back into the office and the other 50% had found normalcy in working from home. I was in the 50% who does not want to return to the office. My job does not require me to honestly work with anyone but I know our laid back office environment is a staple for our company. It was a selling point for me when considering the position. And I was able to experience it for a short period of time. It was indeed nice, but I realized how much I loved being at home in my own space.
Today we learned that we will all remain remote until 2022. I’m sure a lot of companies are making adjustments to accommodate their staff working from home as a permanent option. I proposed we make more definite decisions on reopening for those of us with children. I would love to remain working with my company and have the flexibility to move. A lot has happened in my life in general since we have transitions to working remote. Relocating is at the top of my priority list at the moment. And I’d love the possibility of relocating out of state.
I realize it was Wellness Wednesday and I was unproductive across the board. I didn’t work on my book. I hadn’t completed a blog entry all day. I didn’t work on my app or fulfill any orders for my little side hustle. I was truly lazy today. Unproductive for a better choice of words. And I had really done much of nothing for work. This time of year, I don’t really have much to do. Sales slow a little, training halts for a bit and everyone prepares for flu season.
I had one meeting and spent the rest of the day looking at houses, doing laundry and sneezing. Dusty home repairs have thrown my allergies in overdrive and I’m sitting here with tissue hanging out of my nose.
Going back into an office environment is not something that I want to do at this point. I never thought I’d say this. Hell to be honest, I don’t want to HAVE to work for anyone else period. I believe I have quite enough business ideas that allow me to just enjoy the remainder of my time on this weird ass planet with those that I love.
If you participate in Wellness Wednesday, I hope it was awesome. If you don’t you should try it out. I missed Lunchtime Yoga. It was replaced with an unscheduled nap after I made the kids lunch. Smh. We’re halfway through the week, even closer to Christmas and folks tell me Fall is upon us…I’ve got to at least go outside a little more.
Note to self: You should probably change the yard flag too. It may still say Hello Spring 🤦🏾♀️
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Questions
I have spent most of my day asking myself the most internal questions. These questions came about as I was lying in bed, when I took a shower, while I was sitting outside with my fur son, while I was working and as I was listening to my coworker tell me about her plans to file for divorce.
Why me?
All the questions lead back to this one main question.
Why me?
Listen. I stay in my bubble. I don’t like drama because let’s be honest. I just might hurt someone. My temper is out of this world. My mouth is slick as shit and people really don’t know what kind of hard work it takes to truly turn your life around.
I started the morning the exact opposite of any morning this week. Unfocused in my morning meditation to the point that I muted it to call the HVAC specialist who installed my new unit. He said “Hello”. (Oh he does know how to answer his phone? I called from my other cell.) This is when I know I’ve tapped into Bitchy Beatrice…“Uh huh, ummmm did you forget all the shit you left around my house? Ok, great. So this is how it’s going to go. Come get it today or I’m going to make it a personal goal to shut your shit down. I will even give you the option to refund me money I paid for labor so that I can pay someone else to finish your job!” After a few more choice words, I pause to let him speak. He apologized. I replied “Fuck your apology and your truck. As a business owner you should communicate better with your customers. More importantly me because I am not the one.” Mind you I’ve been calling this asshole for over a month to come and get the “trash” from my yard, garage and attic.
One thing I absolutely hate is for someone to say they are going to do something and they don’t. And don’t let it be a paid service. Now I gotta throat punch you for lying…ok that may be a bit far but I don’t think you understand. I’ve been beyond patient. Patience is not something that comes easily to me. I have been really working on it.
I felt bad afterwards. That rededicated part of me wanted to call and apologize. Then Beatrice the Bitch said FUCK THAT NEEGA!
So here I go asking myself these questions again…Why me? Why did he think he was going to fuck me over? $3800 and you didn’t think you were going to get your trash? Why did he think this was ok? Why do people continue to try me? Time is up…I promise I don’t have an ounce of giving a fuck in me right now.
I popped off on everyone for the rest of the day that came at me sideways.
I think a nice hot bath with pink himalayan salt and some CBD bubble bath will be suitable tonight to wash off the day and this attitude. Clearly I’m reaching my limit with people even with isolating myself.
I think it’s time I take another “life” break…Until then, spread love…so many of us are silently fighting demons no one would ever understand…but this Bitch is tired…do you hear me?
Next lifetime me puhlease!!!
Mondayest of Mondays.
I wanted nothing more today than to lay in my bed with my covers pulled up to my ears and just be. I love my job but I just hate Monday’s. I mean we are just raped of a weekend and thrown into a workday in the blink of an eye. But it’s Monday, I have to work, kids have to eat and be cared for, dog has to be walked, fed and fussed at, trash has to go to the curb…I think I had it all covered. I’m working on being productive. So far it’s proving to be a struggle, but it’s ok. I’ll keep trying.
I have a really bad hankering for a salad…so do you know what my ass did??? Tell em what you did girl! I drove an hour and 18 minutes to a salad shop. I ordered the salad, ate most of it in the parking lot and then drove back home…
My life is full of these real haphazard ass trips and moments as of late…
I’m sure it has a lot to do with my newfound “quitting” spirit. I quit eating meat. I quit grief therapy. I quit people. I quit trying. I did make it throught the 12 weeks of reflection in grief counseling. But I’m beginning to think somehow the reset button was pressed. Gently placing me somewhere in between Self-Care and Compulsive & Addictive Behavior… Queue Deborah Cox, Nobody’s Suppose To Be Here. How did I get here???
I just want to lay in my bed, eat chips and shop on Amazon…sounds depressing I know but it is quite peaceful. Just me, the rustling of the bag, the crunch of the chips between my teeth and the tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk of my fingers on my laptop keyboard…
I am happy that the day is over. And on that note, I am going to fulfill part of my dream by dragging my body out of the bed and into the kitchen to get a bag of the chips of the quarter….
Lay’s…you can’t eat just one…
Check out some of my other posts:
Grateful: It could always be worse…
Probation
I didn’t get any sleep.
I legit was worried that my Fur Son was out in the world, cold, alone and afraid. He’s a big one, but he is just a baby.
I had folks looking under the house for him and riding the neighborhood. He was nowhere to be found. Night had caught us. I definitely wasn’t going to get any sleep. I rode through the neighborhoods closest to ours just to see if he had gotten too far from home and just couldn’t find his way back. He is a very smart boy. And above all else, he knows that Mommie is never going to leave him hanging. Hell I ended vacation a day early because he got away from the dog sitter.
I think he is acting out because he is ready to become a man…Sow his royal oats you know…but I cannot let him do that. He’s just a baby. My baby. And sowing his oats has consequences. Consequences that apparently he is not ready for since he runs off like the toddler he is. He will not leave me to care for his litter of kids and pay pup support…
Well, someone called the man and had him picked and booked him for Attempted B&E. He did a night in county. I woke up calling around the local shelters to see if he was there. I think I may have found him when the lady placed me on hold. I was given a website to verify his identity, he was missing his ID and rabies tag. He was a damn Dog Doe in lockup! I’m scrolling and low and behold, I see his little caramel face on my computer screen. I could breathe again. Now I had to get dressed to go bail him out.
Thankfully he hadn’t been in any trouble with the law in the past so they gave us a break. He was released with 6 months probation, has to wear a neck monitor and has mandated supervised yard time until the invisible fence is installed. After that he will perform 100 hours of community service by picking up sticks and trash around the property.
I’m disappointed in him. Out of all my children I didn’t think he’d be the first to have a record. Now who’s going to hire him as a service dog. He’s a canine felon…
Interestingly enough, there’s more crazy $h!t that happens in my unapologetic life. Check out some of my previous posts:
In My Unapologetic Life... 