Growing up, I had a plethora of pets. I was a complete tomboy. Outside was my favorite place to be. We had cats, we had dogs, I collected turtles and firefly’s.
I owned a cat, Cookie. He was killed. A stupid ass neighbor gave my baby antifreeze. He died in the front of the house in the yard.
I had several fish…they were different. Fish are the least bit therapeutic. Like I just was not a fan. That tank was a barrier for me.
Miley came along temporarily. We fell in love. Miley was the smallest dog I ever had. At the time I thought she was the craziest. Tiny chuihuahah stuck in the body of a pit bull. She barked at everything and everyone. She hated her crate. I thought my daughter was going to kill her. She would heave her down the stairs while they were playing. She’d hold her toy in mid air while she was hanging from it. Was this normal? Hell was it ok? My daughter was 4 or 5. I thought a pet for an only child was a great idea. Miley was spoiled rotten. And then she got to go back home. That ended quick.
There was a void. And now my daughter had the pleasure of having a pet and that’s all she talked about. Mommie I want doggie! The deal was when we moved out of our townhouse into a house with a fenced in yard, then we’d get another dog. I didn’t want another small dog. I wanted some reinforcement. Growing up I never had small dogs anyways. A Boxer, Pit Bull, German Shepherd, Collie(??)…my folks just got dogs, I don’t think they truly cared about the breed. Shit, I’m not sure why we had dogs, they stayed in fences…I would just go inside the fenced pen and play with them.
I found a house, it had a fence…the kids (now 2 kids) asked “Mommie so now that we have a house with a fence can we get a dog? Sure, I have to find one.
It took a year. My coworker dog was having puppies. She begged me to take one. Kept talking about how the kids would love it. Blah, blah, blah…she had 7 or 8 puppies she needed to get rid of lol.
She sent pictures of the puppies when they were born. Simba caught my eye. They had already named them. He was the calmest out of the bunch. He was the one that didn’t really sleep as a puppy. Christmas Eve 2017, we made up an adoption certificate. We had a ceremony. I took the kids to her house and she had bathed Simba and put a bow on him. He was their Christmas present. I had already been around Simba when I’d go with her on lunch to take the pups out to use the bathroom and to feed them. I had picked Simba out before she sold the others.
Simba…my handsome gentle giant… I need you more than you know…
Would you rather see ten minutes into the future or travel ten years into the past?
3001 This or That Questions -chartwell books
If I was asked this question in the past I know for a fact that I would have answered differently.
My answer today: Travel ten years into the past
Let me first explain that my option to travel 10 years in the past is not to make a life changing decision or to do something to change my future.
10 years ago I became…
I became part of the woman I am right now. Back then I couldn’t see it. But today I can definitely see it and I celebrate the hell out of this woman. She experienced a lot. She overcame a lot more.
As painful as it’s been, I wouldn’t trade it. Not even the saddest of the sad moments and situations. It all played a part in shaping me into the woman I am.
Believe me when I tell you that I haven’t always been real namastè, forgiving, understanding or caring. There was a point in my life where I was shootdadink…for those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, here’s a video for you.
I didn’t care about anyone but myself…
My answer 10 years ago: See ten minutes into the future
See…I hadn’t realized the joy of living in the moment and enjoying the little things like hearing, seeing, and feeling. I always wanted to know what to expect. I wanted to know what would happen in the future so that I would just know and so I could have some sense of controlling the outcome.
I grew into this person that I am and it damn sure wasn’t easy. I’ve had to go high when they went low. I’ve had to suck it up and roll with it. I’ve had to learn to forgive. I’ve had to endure some real hard shit. And it wasn’t until I lost my Mom that I learned that even when you know the outcome you’re still not prepared. You can’t simply “get” ready. You think you can…
So why not enjoy the little things now, instead of wishing you had later? If you know the future, that will be your focus. Your concern, your worry. What if you don’t see what you had hoped for? What if you saw something great but you self sabotage it?
Enjoy today…the moment. Sit. Listen to yourself breathe…and really think. It sounds amazing. It feels amazing…not everyone is able to do so…cherish it…
If you had to choose, what would you pick and why??? Travel ten years in the past or see ten minutes into the future…
This post contains sexual content. View at your own risk…
As a lover of all things intimacy and sex celebrate today!
I have been on the hunt for this toy and I finally got it!
I read all of the reviews. I tried to buy it when I was in Miami only to find out that it was sold out. It was sold out everywhere I looked online…one day I found it.
What better day to give this popular toy a proper review?
Before I do, I’d like to provide you with a few FACTS:
7 out of 10 women can climax as many as 20 times in a single session (Can you count while in the moment?)
You cannot think straight when you orgasm. (Ladies/Gentlemen do not answer any questions during this time…LOL)
Female orgasms can dull pain; this is in part becuase endorphins and oxytocin are released when you orgasms
Almost 60% of women ejaculate when they orgasm. (This is often referred to as squirting)
Women in same-sex relationships are more likely to orgasm than women who sleep with men (I cannot provide a comment on this)
So here goes…
Let me start by saying that I think it is well worth the money. I wasn’t even aware that it was a dual toy. It has possibly taken the place of my trusted wand…
There is no shame in my game that I have quite the collection. From bluetooth toys to straight up rope. If it’s sex, I got it. Once upon a time, I was going to be a certified sex therapist. I was so tired of people being uptight about the most amazing experience eveeeeeeeerr known to man. It’s how your kids get here. Shit it is how you got here…why are you afraid to explore? Your Mom probably had the meanest arch while getting her back blown out! (I am definitely about a bottle of Hennesy into this blog post and so into early self-care Sunday)
Well. If you don’t have one ladies…I suggest that you put this one on your wish list. It is a pretty amazing substitute for the obvious and gets the job done quite well.
Let’s first talk about the artificial tongue. It comes with a silicone ridged sleeve that makes the “licking” sensation more realistic. (Good job guys). Now it does not compare to that of a very experienced partner but it does the trick. There are 7 tongue motion patterns although I don’t think I made it past number 3 👀
Next up is the suction…this could use a little work in my opinion. This beauty comes with 2 pleasure attachments. One round and one oval. I’m assuming the suction attachments are to be used depending upon the size and shape of your “magic triangle”. I personally would like more customization here. This is a major part of the toy. Who makes these toys? They need a product tester like myself before they throw these things on the shelf or online. All in all the suction is hit or miss depending on what you like. I turned the suction off. It was just putting a bend in the experience. This would be my only negative to the toy…
There are about 7 vibration settings on the G-Spot stimulator. I was so focused on the suction and tongue that I missed this feature. The silicone handle has it own motor..and it is the G-spot stimulator…
The battery life so far is proving to be good. It comes with a magnetic USB charger. It is rechargeable and I’ve not yet been able to determine the true life of the battery. Not sure that I will get the chance…
I have no more energy. It’s late and I will have to review the G-Spot stimulator end later.
As of right now all I can say is “Goodnight“. If I could cook this bitch breakfast in the morning I would but it can’t eat so…
Pleasure yourself or someone else today. Give a little head or get a little head. It’s National Orgasm Day. I hope you enjoy it! I did 😁
Friendship is trust, care, sharing, responsibility, loyalty, understanding and support.
A friend is someone who understands your past,
doesn't judge you,
believe in your future,
supports and accepts you today the way you are...
Enjoy every moment with friends.
Today's beautiful moments are tomorrow's beautiful memories.
I have had some good ones and I have had some shitty ones.
Regardless of the outcome, I appreciate them all because they are serving or have served their purpose.
What a better way to start the weekend! Spend some time with your dearest friend(s).
I’m the weird person who has a song associated to every major or memorable life event. Happy or sad occasion, I have a song that will take me right back to that specific day and time as if time hasn’t lapsed.
Currently it’s Good Days by SZA. Until this particular day, I had never truly listened to this song…I had just done one of the last things I ever wanted to do in life alone. Physically alone, because Brother was on the phone.
I was making my Mother’s final arrangements while she was still alive…
The hospice nurse thought that it would be easier to handle before rather than during this transition. I cannot tell you how much I tried to prepare myself for this. I couldn’t. My heart raced. I was fucking scared. I screamed. I was fucking angry. I threw shit, I banged shit and I broke shit. I just wanted to end the entire world. I didn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone at this point. I have never been here and I was completely ALONE. I am nearing the point where I have to tell my Mother, Goodbye. Goodbye. The word we did not say. See You later was our term. Goodbye was FOREVER. This felt like someone stabbing me in my chest and turning the knife counterclockwise. Over and over again, while I just sat and endured the pain. Digging deeper and deeper past my physical body and deep into my soul. My muthafuckin SOUL was aching!!! Do you understand what kind of pain that is???
After I sit in the car and give myself multiple pep talks, I walk inside. I’ve called because I don’t want to do too much talking. I’m 100% sure I’m going to fucking cry. I sit, shake and fiddle endlessly inside the funeral home. I still cannot make sense of me choosing a casket and vault for my Mother who is very much alive. I have not made peace with her transitioning soon. I don’t want this to be true. This woman…was not just my Mother…she was the truest of my true friends. She was my everything. I sat quietly with my Brother on FaceTime. I am sure to refer to her in the present because she is very much alive.
This is just planning. “Girl you are just planning, this does not mean anything.Get it together!”, I tell myself over and over again. I’ve been here before. But this time is different. THIS IS MY MOTHER!
I remember countless random conversations that we had about end of life. Things she said she wanted and things she absolutely did not want. Her biggest hell no was being put on display. We shared the same sentiment in this regard. I am just me. She was just she. She didn’t think she was pretty and neither do me. (That was our rhyme…❤️) We we just we. No label. In competition with no one. But one thing was for certain. We did not want people looking/staring at us. It’s funny because as I sat there at the table with the Funeral Director, I laughed. My Mom was truly a nut. Always being silly. (I’m sure that’s where I got it from) If someone stared at her a moment too long, she’d stick out her tongue. Smh. A grown woman. She was she, as I said. There was no one else like her and she didn’t give a shit. I loved that about her. She didn’t care what anybody thought. Her life was her own and she made of it what she wanted. No one else mattered. Except me and Tonka Truck Head lol. That was one thing that she always taught me. She’d say, “You are magical girl. There’s no one like you. Never let anyone dull your sparkle. And you better not come down off your thrown for no woman or man. I create nothing but greatness!” Once I got older I’d laugh at her speech. I thought it was funny…magical…ok Mom… (P.S. I’m a mermaid 🙄)
“No cars, no church. Private graveside service. I’ve already purchased the plot. Short, simple and sweet. No wake/viewing. No newspaper announcement. Immediate family viewing only after My Brother & I’s approval. I will write the obituary and complete the program. I’d like to assist with the design of the programs.”..I word vomited it all while tapping my foot and staring at the clock on the wall. All I could think was I have to wrap this up and get back to Best Friend. She is probably wondering what is taking me so long. She hated when I said I’d be right back and it was hours later. Say what you mean and mean what you say…that was her motto. And she stuck by it and tried to hold everyone else to it too.
I asked Brother if I covered it all, he agreed and I hurry the hell out of there. When I step outside and the sun hit me, I dropped my mask and take the deepest breath I could. My chest feels like ten elephants are sitting on top of me. I get in the car, hang up with Brother and head back to Best Friend. I get this strong feeling that she need me. She swears we were telepathic. I always played along. But foreal though…Mom I’m coming was what I was subconciously thinking just in case this shit was true. At this point, I believe in genies, fairies, vampires, zombies, heaven & hell, angels, Iron Man, WonderWoman, shit Donkey Kong. I reverted to an entire child again wanting nothing more than my Mother. If you don’t know how that feels, well I can’t make you. Believe me I don’t ever want to be there again.
I run not one but two red lights. I don’t even care. Mail me a ticket. I gotta get across town. I get a text from my aunt. Come on back now. I’m on the way Auntie…as fast as I can promise me. I reach the light not even a half a mile from her…
I sit and wait for it to turn green….I hear SZA and I sit and stare beyond what’s in front of me to listen,
Good day in my mind, safe to take a step out
Get some air now, let your edge out
Too soon, I spoke, you be heavy in my mind
Can you get the heck out?
I need rest now…
Good Days by SZA
The song is interrupted when my phone rings…I look down and it’s the hospice nurse. My body instantly turns into an ice block, my heart seems to stop and I feel like every piece of hair I have on me is standing straight up. She asks me if anyone had called me. I hesitate to reply. I am approaching the stop sign to turn into the facility parking lot. I’ve never really been scared like this in my life. I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say other than my Mother was speaking or something positive. She says, I’m sorry Hun, your Mother passed away about 10 minutes ago…..she continues to talk and I hear absolute. nothing.
I can’t tell you what happened. I just remember being in the hallway sliding down the wall to avoid hitting the floor. The nurse walks me to her side because I’m adamant that I see her. I enter her room and I’m met with my Mother, who looks like she’s sleeping.
The little girl inside me is kicking, screaming and yelling. Her Mother is gone. On the exterior, all I can do is silently cry and hold her hand….my Best Friend is gone. What in the entire fuck!!!
What part of the game of Life is this???
My Mother was a huge lover of all music. It is why I use music to get through so much in life. It why it is always playing around me. It’s not surprising that of all songs to play, this one was playing when I was told she had transitioned. Right down to the words…she was heavy on my mind and heart before I got the call. And just the mere title of the song confirms for me that she was ok…and that she didn’t want me to be sad. It was a Good Day. She was no longer suffering, no longer depending on someone else to care for her when we know that she hated it.
So, this song lyrics loop through my head several times a day right now. It triggers so much for me. Sometimes I hear it and I can smile, knowing that we had some good damn days. And other times I can hear it and cry, knowing that this was the song that I was listening to when I was told that she’d left me.
It costs absolutely nothing to be nice to somone. You never know what type of demons they are fighting. You could be, do or say the one positive thing they need at the moment to get them through.
In My Unapologetic Life... 