Lately, the word “no” has become my mantra. It’s not a negative word, but a powerful tool for protecting my emotional well-being. Saying “no” to dates might sound crazy, but trust me, it’s a form of self-care that’s blossoming beautifully.
Breakups leave scars, emotional ones that take time to mend. Right now, I’m in the gentle process of healing, rediscovering myself, and figuring out what kind of story I want to write next. Dating in this vulnerable space feels like putting on roller skates before learning to walk again. Not smart.
So, instead of forcing myself into potentially awkward situations, I’m focusing on inner exploration. I’m back to reading self-help books filled with wisdom, not TikTok videos. I’m taking long walks in nature, listening to smooth lofi, not the noise of a crowded restaurant. I’m spending quality time with my children and close friends, basking in the warmth of genuine connection.
This period in my life isn’t about staying stagnant. It’s about creating a foundation of self-love and understanding. It’s about remembering my worth and setting boundaries that prioritize my emotional health. When I eventually do decide to open myself up to dating again, it will be from a place of strength and clarity, not desperation and loneliness.
Remember: saying “no” is a powerful act of self-love. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise. Focus on healing, on rediscovering who you are, and trust that love will find you again, but on your terms and on your own beautiful timeline.
The day started early and was full of anxiety. Time had flown by and it was surgery day already. I wanted to treat today like a work meeting during one of my endometriosis flare ups. I could join surgery from my bed with my camera off or reschedule it all together. The twinge of pain in my abdomen quickly reminded me why I needed to have this surgery. It is something that I have avoided in order to take care of everyone and everything else until the pain and problems began to cause a decline in my quality of life.
These procedures were both emotionally and physically taxing. Throw in some pain medication and I have declared myself temporarily decrepit. Women truly face unique challenges within the healthcare system, enduring inadequate care, dismissive attitudes and gender biases. I feel that it is imperative to shed light on this unsettling reality and advocate for the betterment of all women’s health.
It is very unfortunate that women are frequently faced with dismissive attitudes from healthcare professionals (medical providers, nurses, lab and ultrasound technicians, etc.) when it comes to our concerns. Many women have experienced a lack of empathy or belief from medical staff, leading to delayed diagnoses, untreated conditions, and unnecessary suffering. Our health concerns should never be undermined or trivialized, as women experiences and symptoms are valid and deserving of the utmost attention.
Women’s pain is often underestimated and incorrectly documented leading to inadequate pain management. Moreover, some medical conditions predominantly affecting women, such as endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), have historically received disproportionately less attention and research funding compared to other illnesses. This disparity perpetuates the neglect of women’s health concerns.
While reproductive health is an integral part of our overall well-being, it is often treated as an afterthought. Access to reproductive healthcare, including safe and legal abortions, contraception, and fertility treatments, is a fundamental right! However, we frequently face barriers such as limited access, affordability issues, and judgments based on personal beliefs or societal taboos. These obstacles prevent women from making well-informed decisions about their bodies, reproductive health, and planned parenthood. In addition to reproductive health, women of color specifically face racial disparities and a lack of trust in their concerns during pregnancy and childbirth. These inequalities further emphasize the urgent need for comprehensive and unbiased women’s healthcare.
Conditions like anxiety, postpartum depression, and PTSD are brushed off or dismissed as hormonal changes or exaggerated emotions. This lack of understanding and empathy perpetuates the underdiagnosis, under treatment, and unnecessary suffering of women dealing with health struggles. Addressing these issues is vital to ensure that we receive the care and support we deserve. By promoting gender equality, raising awareness, and empowering women to advocate for themselves, we can work toward creating a healthcare system that prioritizes women’s health, respect, and dignity. It is high time we write a new narrative – one that ensures equal treatment for all within the healthcare realm all over the World.
It’s been exactly three months to the day since my Mom left me on this Earth. It’s been very difficult to navigate. Often times I don’t feel there isn’t anyone that I can talk to who can truly relate.
I isolate myself quite a bit. I enjoy being home in my place of peace where I feel most protected. I’m cautious of who I let in because everyone doesn’t emit good positive energy.
Some days I can spend the entire day crying. Crying because I heard one of her favorite songs. Crying because I have no one to talk to, when my Mom was always a phone call away. Crying because I just genuinely miss her. It still doesn’t feel real. I still forget some days and call the facility to check on her. And some days I’m perfectly fine.
It’s hard no doubt. And this isn’t something I’d wish even on my worse enemy.
I try to spend a little more time outside these days in the sun because it makes me feel happy. When I begin to cry and I can’t stop, I go outside in my front yard, barefoot and I just stand or sit in the grass. Surely my neighbors think I’m nuts but I don’t care. Taking care of my mental is of upmost importance. And I don’t worry how others view me. (Lesson #999 From My Mom:
What they eat don’t make you shit Darling! Fuck how they feel about you!
-My Mom
In the three months she’s been gone a lot has been revealed to me. A lot has happened, some good and some bad. It forced me to put together my final arrangements for my own life. I spoke with my ex-husband to discuss how to handle our kids in my absence. Outside of him and my Brother, I don’t want anyone else having access to my children.
I learned that family and so called friends can be deceptive, conniving, deceitful, manipulative and controlling…but only if you allow them. I always thanked my Mom for how she raised me. And I still do every morning. I’m cut from a different cloth and that’s not to imply I’m better than anyone. It is to imply that I have values and morals that may not be like most. And one thing I don’t do is change how I treat people. I always operate out of a place of love. I always move cautiously to ensure I’m not harming anyone intentionally. I help those I can in ways that don’t interfere with taking care of me and mine. I listen, I give advice if I’m led to and overall I just try to be a good person. As abundantly blessed as I am, I am not stuck on how much or what I have in comparison to others. I’m content with being able to take care of me and my babies. I’m reserved and intuitive.
I now listen to my intuition more than I ever did. This was a rough month to endure but the lesson I learned is to be careful of who I let in my corner. Wolves dress in sheep’s clothing in all aspects of our life. And these wolves aren’t always strangers. I stay protected in all the ways (spiritually, physically and mentally) and stay in my peaceful bubble. I know I will have good and bad days but it’s always nice to look back on how far I’ve come. Time doesn’t heal our heart…only we do.
As lonely as it is here, I believe I can manage with all that you’ve taught me. Rest easy Mom, I got this.
This is an interesting topic that came up yesterday with one of my guy best friends. We have experienced some of life’s greatest and terrible moments together. He’s a thorn in my side at times but I appreciate our friendship as he’s always able to give me the male perspective on any situation and just be genuinely his crazy self.
Yesterday he hit me with some numbers lol. According to studies, 90% of friends who become intimate are not able to function as friends.
Backstory: We were friends all through high school. I spent time at his house with his family as a friend. We messed around as adults well after high school. We decided we were better off friends. So we never had sex again and just remained friends.
This took me by surprise. Like why is he even bringing this up. Is he about to make this awkward? We’ve been friends for almost 20 years…please don’t do this man. My friend count is low because people just aren’t real anymore.
He then asks, how is it that we don’t fall into that category? I replied saying we’re in the 10% that are able to mature and have a friendship outside of sex. And ultimately we respect each other.
I’m sure to people we dated and married, our relationship was weird. When he’s dating, we don’t talk often. It is almost always a problem when a woman finds out that he slept with his best friend and we are still friends. I’m as chill as they come. So I welcome all his lady friends and warn them that he’s crazy as a joke. I listen to his problems. I give him advice sometimes. But to avoid conflict in his relationships with women who are obviously insecure and not confident, we would rarely speak. He’s been married 3 times (I hope he’s done this time) and I’ve been married once. My ex-husband was not cool with the idea of me being friends with someone I slept with but I explained to him either you trust me or you don’t.
I think with all friendships, sexual or non sexual we have to have a certain level of trust. He and I have that. As friends we trust each other with secrets. Things that have happened in our relationships and personal lives. Problems at work or issues with our kids. We are truly friends with no romantic feelings. We can hang together, eat, watch movies and it is not awkward or weird. We are sort of like siblings but that makes it sound very nasty so scratch that lol.
The conversation was interesting. As we never really sat down and talked about how awkward it was that we slept together, figured out that that type of relationship was not for us and then just never spoke of it again.
I care about him as a friend. And I am always genuinely happy for him. I’m glad that he has finally found a really good woman that he loves and she loves him. I’m always supportive of him even if he doesn’t help me put things together like he says. I wouldn’t trade our relationship as he’s been a ride or die for me for so long and I him. It was funny that the topic came up but as quickly as it began, it ended as we began to talk about the kids.
We say I love you because we do love each other. In the same aspect of loving family. He tells anyone he’s like my Big Brother. If I cry, he’s coming. He wants to meet guys I date now because he apparently knows all men intentions and he doesn’t want me hurt. He listened to the nonsense from my 15 year marriage and he wiped some tears and sat on the beach with me when I was sad. Things that I couldn’t even get my girl friends to do. He’s been in my corner through a lot and I appreciate him.
Is there a friend that you have that you’ve had sex with, been in love with and you’re still friends? Is it awkward? Does it affect your outside relationships at all? I’m curious so please share…
People often times struggle with what to say to someone when they lose a loved one. I know because I’ve done it. You’re asked how are you out of concern and knowing that you’re hurting. But there’s also the thought that nothing said will make it better.
When I’m asked “how are you?”, I fight back tears. That little 3 word question releases so many memories at once that I’m mentally and emotionally overwhelmed. I normally will look away or at the ground to try and stop the tears. Sometimes it works most of the time it doesn’t.
Just know, it’s not your fault and I understand that you’re really only concerned and at a lost for words. There’s nothing to stop or dull this pain. Just know I’m not ok. And I’m told that it’s ok to not be ok.
I thank everyone for all for the kind words, phone calls, text messages, food, prayers and love. This has been very hard and I’m sure this is only the beginning. I’m praying for peace and comfort, healing of not only the hearts of my brother and I , but also the hearts of all of my family. ❤️
In My Unapologetic Life... 