Protected: It’s Not The End…Just the Beginning…
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
"…living life my way."
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Sunflowers follow the sun…
But did you know, when it is cloudy and gray, they face each other and share their
That’s all I’m in need of in life at this point in time. Someone genuine to chase the sun with me and share his energy with me and I with him on our cloudy days…but it seems to be so far out of reach.
It’s been exactly three months to the day since my Mom left me on this Earth. It’s been very difficult to navigate. Often times I don’t feel there isn’t anyone that I can talk to who can truly relate.
I isolate myself quite a bit. I enjoy being home in my place of peace where I feel most protected. I’m cautious of who I let in because everyone doesn’t emit good positive energy.
Some days I can spend the entire day crying. Crying because I heard one of her favorite songs. Crying because I have no one to talk to, when my Mom was always a phone call away. Crying because I just genuinely miss her. It still doesn’t feel real. I still forget some days and call the facility to check on her. And some days I’m perfectly fine.
It’s hard no doubt. And this isn’t something I’d wish even on my worse enemy.
I try to spend a little more time outside these days in the sun because it makes me feel happy. When I begin to cry and I can’t stop, I go outside in my front yard, barefoot and I just stand or sit in the grass. Surely my neighbors think I’m nuts but I don’t care. Taking care of my mental is of upmost importance. And I don’t worry how others view me. (Lesson #999 From My Mom:
What they eat don’t make you shit Darling! Fuck how they feel about you!-My Mom
In the three months she’s been gone a lot has been revealed to me. A lot has happened, some good and some bad. It forced me to put together my final arrangements for my own life. I spoke with my ex-husband to discuss how to handle our kids in my absence. Outside of him and my Brother, I don’t want anyone else having access to my children.
I learned that family and so called friends can be deceptive, conniving, deceitful, manipulative and controlling…but only if you allow them. I always thanked my Mom for how she raised me. And I still do every morning. I’m cut from a different cloth and that’s not to imply I’m better than anyone. It is to imply that I have values and morals that may not be like most. And one thing I don’t do is change how I treat people. I always operate out of a place of love. I always move cautiously to ensure I’m not harming anyone intentionally. I help those I can in ways that don’t interfere with taking care of me and mine. I listen, I give advice if I’m led to and overall I just try to be a good person. As abundantly blessed as I am, I am not stuck on how much or what I have in comparison to others. I’m content with being able to take care of me and my babies. I’m reserved and intuitive.
I now listen to my intuition more than I ever did. This was a rough month to endure but the lesson I learned is to be careful of who I let in my corner. Wolves dress in sheep’s clothing in all aspects of our life. And these wolves aren’t always strangers. I stay protected in all the ways (spiritually, physically and mentally) and stay in my peaceful bubble. I know I will have good and bad days but it’s always nice to look back on how far I’ve come. Time doesn’t heal our heart…only we do.
Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.-Mark Groves
Setting boundaries does not make you a mean person. It’s quite the opposite actually. Boundaries need to be established as a way to communicate what is and isn’t ok. Boundaries not only protect ones physical space, but also their body, feelings and energy. We all have limits and boundaries so communicate them with those close to you.
We set boundaries everyday with personal space, sexuality, emotions, thoughts, things and possessions, time and energy, culture, religion and ethics.
Boundaries protect our relationships from becoming unhealthy and unsafe. In that way, they actually bring us closer
together rather than push us farther apart. Having healthy boundaries allows you to make yourself a priority whether that’s in self-care, career, or in relationships.
Take a moment and discover where you need to set boundaries. Anything that is affecting your mental or emotional health needs a proper boundary. Be it a friend using you as a therapist but never has a moment to listen to you, a family member using you like a bank when they need money, someone who invades your space and shows up without calling, or someone who gets upset at you about not agreeing with their point of view.
I’ve learned to establish boundaries in all facets of life. Even my IG feed has boundaries. I unfollow anyone who isn’t in a healthy space with what they are sharing. Be it over emphasizing their point of view of politics, degrading memes, angry vent sessions or racist memes. Any of it isn’t allowed in my feed because my mental health and state comes above all else.
I have a personal boundary with family members. Not because I don’t care but because at some point I felt as though they didn’t mean me well. I have to be the best version of me. And I can’t allow others to dictate how my energy will be.
I suggest taking a moment and evaluating your life. Any situation or person can have a boundary. Create a boundary for things you need a buffer for, don’t feel bad about it and move on. No one controls your peace but you. Boundaries can always be adjusted, created or removed. Maintain your peace above all else.
Live in love and light and not chaos and darkness… ✌🏾❤️💫